According to the White House, President Bush conceded that the recent anti-war protests were powerful enough for him to surrender his power as president to mob rule.
“The President has decided to relinquish the power of the executive branch of the United States government granted him as commander-in-chief and turn it over to global protestors,” said White House Spokesman Ari Fleischer.
Under the new Mob Rule Government, executive decisions concerning foreign diplomacy will require fractured special-interest groups to gather in large mobs in order to come to rational decisions on global policies. Protestors agree with the move.
One protestor explained, “The true essence of democracy is mob rule. I don’t care how many Starbucks I have to loot in order to get my point across, now I can enjoy my democracy with my stolen latte.”
In the letter released to the media, Bush explains that because “[he] was elected by you, the people of protesting mobs, I think it would only be fair to listen to your unorganized yet moving calls for power.”
Bush plans to send agents to global protests in order to understand what they are protesting. When the news is delivered to the White House he will respond accordingly.
Some early decisions that will probably be made include restarting and then immediately ending affirmative action, releasing Mumia while executing him, and an immediate disregard for national security.