Iraq Imposes Sanctions on U.S.

Last week saw a drastic turn of events in the tenuous Iraqi situation. Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced last Thursday that Iraq will begin to impose economic sanctions on what he described as the “Fulcrum of Evil.” In a speech broadcasted over Al-Jazeera and Iraqi radio, he described the Fulcrum of Evil as the breeding ground for immoral behavior such as consensual sex and binge drinking. “These nations, which include the United States, Russia, France, China, Israel, Ukraine, Britain, Spain, Brazil, Mexico–especially Mexico–Italy, Germany, South Africa, Canada, and all other U.N. nations, represent all that is evil in the world,” Hussein stated.

In addition, Hussein unveiled his plan to slowly end all forms of trade with these nations in his speech: “My goal is to cut back our major exports, such as rocks and camels, to these rogue nations by 85% within one year and hopefully 100% by the year 2004. This way they will feel an almost immediate impact in their homes and neighborhoods.”

Hussein also explained that he hopes to encourage existing separatist groups such as the KKK and the Berkeley City Council to build stronger coalitions and rise up against these oppressive regimes. Hussein ended his speech by explaining that sanctions will not include oil. “It may be evil money,” Hussein commented, “but it’s a lot of evil money, so it’s all good.”

In response to Hussein’s statements, President Bush shot back, “You can’t put sanctions on us, we already have sanctions on you! And you totally stole my Axis of Evil idea. You’re using all my material; Saddam, you are such a hack!”