Yesterday, during a routine discussion section for English 158, junior Derek Snyder was bombarded with intestinal cramps attributed to a local Thai eggplant dish. Snyder, who enjoyed the meal, immediately abandoned his comfortable lounging position when the onslaught began. “At … Read More
Tag Archives: Boback Ziaeian
You Can Rinse and Spit Now
Dentist: Hi Mr. Ziaygeean, how are you?
Me: Uh.. I’m good. But its pronounced Zee-aye-en.
Dentist: Ok. Alright. I got it. So how’s school treating you?
Me: Not too bad. Classes are always hard, but I’m finding time to have … Read More
Words from the Top
The Gentle Jangle of Success
There is nothing more informative about a person’s identity than their keys. The quantity and quality of one’s keys often reflects the quality of one’s life, social status, and personal pride. Below is a brief classification system based on the … Read More
Powerpoint Lecture Self-destructs
Economics Professor Clair Brown showed up to class yesterday with the hopes of helping college students learn the fundamentals of the effects of foreign trade on GDP. The presentation supposedly included 35 slides ranging from graphs and charts to bullet … Read More
O-Chem: <i>Erotica </i>
I’ve had enough of all this war-mongering scientific rhetoric. After countless science lectures, I now see the blatant attempts to mask the eroticism inherently existing on the micro scale. Rather than expose our minds to the naked truth of molecules … Read More
The Duck Hunt Conundrum
Optical Reflection/Refraction
In an effort to restore peace and stop world hunger, Squelch researchers have rigorously tested the original Nintendo Duck Hunt Gun. We hope our research will give us a better understanding of its mystical powers. To those unfamiliar with the … Read More
Metallica Goes Full Force
Metallica showed up at Live 105 headquarters today to drop off four truck loads of the names and license plate numbers of local Bay Area commuters caught listening to their songs over the radio.
“Apparently kids today own these little … Read More
The First Time I Got Lay’d
I still remember the first day I put a Salt & Vinegar chip in my mouth. It was ninth grade, and I stayed after school for our weekly Academic Decathlon study sessions. A prerequisite for these meetings was bringing snacks, … Read More
Buster, Get in the Tub
The year 2000 is approaching. And I’ve realized a few things: 1) I need to start looking for a party now if I don’t want to end up at home. 2) I most likely won’t find a party and I’ll … Read More
