Urinal Art
“Hypocrites! All of you! I’m taking my urinal and getting out of here.”
At the turn of the century, a group of artists tried to banish pretentiousness from the art world by opening a museum which would exhibit any work … Read More
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Bitten by the Witster
Sometimes people come up to me and ask, “Hey Freddy: why you so witty, yo?” And I say, “Well, my name isn’t Fredrick Witster for nothing.” Then, they shake their heads and think, “Man, that Freddy … Read More
Asians Fight For Reputation
A recent study by Asian-Americans for a Yellow America, or AAYA (pronounced ai-yah), an Asian watchdog group, reveals that long-held opinions about Asian men being submissive, feminine, poorly equipped, and “trying too … Read More
Bedtime Story
“Daddy,” came the voice from behind as Mr. Levine tried to tiptoe quietly out of the room. “Can you tell me a bedtime story?”
Mr. Levine sighed heavily. He was a busy man. Overworked, prematurely… Read More
U.S. So Totally, Totally Out of Money
President Bush announced today that the United States is “so totally broke.” “The disaster relief efforts, combined with our current economic slowdown and the tax cut, have run through our entire budget,” said Bush with a resigned shrug, sporting … Read More
Insignificant Life Now Self-Consciously Insignificant
Student Kevin Petit, 22, had always led a shallow, empty life devoid of any true pleasures, notable accomplishments, spiritually fulfilling experiences, or emotionally meaningful interpersonal relationships. Since September 11, however, the crushing emptiness of Petit’s life … Read More
Haunt You Up Good
Ghoul-reetings, ladies and ghoul-tlemen! Perhaps you’ve thought, “I’d like to get in on that haunted house action this Halloween, but how?” Just follow these three simple steps.
Step 1:
To fashion a truly spook-tacular haunted house, one must … Read More
Justice League Offers Support to U.S.
In a unanimous vote, Green Lantern, Superman, Batman, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, Plastic Man, Flash, and Aquaman have decided to offer support to the U.S. effort to combat global terrorism. “We helped rebuild … Read More
Music Beat
Yes, Michelle Branch, I Will Have Sex With You
If you’re like me, you listen to music to escape reality. If I’m feeling depressed, I’ll listen to Kool and the Gang’s “Celebrate.” If I’m feeling lazy, it’s Huey Lewis’ “Sports.” If I haven’t … Read More
Words from the Top
Shrimperstar!
I had always assumed that all shrimp were peeled by hand. Because how could anyone build a machine to peel shrimp? You can’t build a machine to peel shrimp. Shrimp are small, fragile, and slippery. Furthermore, … Read More
