Explosives
Inventor of the Dynamite Stick : MOTHER FUCK! OH FUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING ARM IS GONE!!!
Inventor of the Dynamite Fuse : Next time, try using one of these. It’s called a fuse.
Inventor of the Dynamite Stick : … Read More
In the 1980’s, no doubt you imagined that the year 2000 would be filled with futuristic Jetsonesque wonders like flying cars, moving floors, and equality in the workplace. Oh, how very wrong you were. We at the Squelch … Read More
[Rumsfeld enters and takes the podium]
Thank you all for coming. As you may have inferred from the mid-term election results, I am resigning the post of Secretary of Defense. Before I take leave of you, I have… Read More
Political Science
Take a Shot every time the one Libertarian tries to change the discussion to how pot should be legal.
Take a Shot of Vodka each time a student uses the term “capitalist” like it means… Read More
Jerry Seinfeld
I don’t know about you guys, but I like to stay clean. But it’s so much trouble these days. Every time you get clean you’re just gonna rub vomit in your hair all over again… Read More
From the makers of Invisalign, the invisible braces, comes Invisimask. The Invisimask system is a mostly painless system for facial correction and beautification. Developed by NASA for ugly astronauts, the patented space-age Uglon… Read More
Thanks to the Democrats, 3-time “King of the C-Block Showers” Back-Alley Mike is back on the street to teach you the fundamentals of self defense.
“Staring down the barrel of a gun is one of … Read More
They say the lion is the king of the jungle, but I think it’s the bulldozer.
I sympathize with animal rights activists, because I think animals are people too. Inferior, delicious, inhuman people.
People always tell me I make… Read More
INT. MEDICAL HOSPITAL – NIGHT
It’s the third shift at a DOWNTOWN medical hospital. DESPITE the LATE hour, the HOSPITAL is humming STEADILY.
The camera tracks through the hospital, showing us many hospital
things, then follows a… Read More
Congratulations on obtaining a copy of the Heuristic Squelch. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that by accepting this issue, you too have fallen under the curse of a mysterious Native American shaman. Sorry, our bad. We’d … Read More
