Edgy teen-flick mainstay Seth Green has signed on for a supporting role for Tristar Pictures’ upcoming film, The Seth Green Story, a biopic chronicling the rise of actor Seth Green. Green will be played by heartthrob Freddie Prinze, Jr., with … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Five Sentences Containing All 26 Letters of the English Alphabet
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The quick brown lumps over jazzy box frowned dog
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The quick dog jumps over lazy frown box
- Lazy dogs, quick, jump over the brown fox!
- The brown fox jumps quick over the lazy dog
- The quick brown fox jumps over
Top Ten Pornographic California License Plates
- SKNFLUT
- RIM JOB
- BOOBIES
- MSTRB8R
- FOOTGUY
- BESTIAL
- VAGANAL
- 8MYBALS
- MYCOKNU
- IEATBOX
Top Ten Things to Say While Leading a Campus Tour
- “This is where the Squelch writes top ten lists . . . Hey, what are you doing with that notepad? He’s writing down everything we say!” Self-reference is stupid.
- “I cut this glory hole myself.”
- “There goes my ex-girlfriend–On three,
Words from the Top
Ba-Boon to Humanity
The methods used to judge the worthiness of a potential mate has grown into a convoluted tortured science that is incomprehensible to suitors themselves. Single men and women gather in remote bars, homes, and vacated warehouses to practice obscure ritualistic … Read More
Top Ten Ways to Scare the Red Cross From Ever Asking You to Donate Blood Again.
- In little kid voice: “Once … this time … once upon this time … I…once ….this time…I fucked my dog.”
- “Puck, Why you steeeck your fingers in my pee-a-nut butter?”
- “Can I have the needle when you’re finished with it?”
Top Ten Winter Movies About Food
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Orange County
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Casserole Damage
- Rollergumball
- In the Kitchen
- Not Another Teen Smoothie
- I Am Yam
- Kate & Neopolitan
- Black Berry Down
- A Beautiful Rind
- Lord of the Onion Rings
Top Ten Ways to Tell Your Teen is Troubled
- Standing on block of ice with a moose around his neck
- Standing on block of ice with a noose around his neck
- Father’s Day gift includes coupons for chores and coupons for crack
- In lieu of posters, nails old blocks
Top Ten Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage
- Put it in her butt. Dude.
- Greet your spouse at the door wearing nothing but a brand-new attractive body
- With luv
- Push twin beds back together
- Have a hot steamy date eating hot steamy lobster in a hot steamy vat of
Top Ten Things to Say to a Dog You’re Abandoning When It Keeps Looking at You Like That
- Nothing. Let your new dog do all the talking.
- “So … um … I guess I’ll … see you around then. Yeah.”
- “The last five dogs took this way better than you’re taking it, you big baby.”
- “Dry those tears,