A lot of people think it would be cool to be able to change into a sports car whenever they get hot, and back into a human whenever they get cold, but I’m here to tell you, it’s no picnic. … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
The Big Game Page
Are you ready for the 105th Big Game? Are you prepared to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the GREATEST PLAY in the history of college football? Nay, the greatest MOMENT in the history of the WORLD? As you await the … Read More
Top Ten Other Ways you know Santa’s from Stanford
- Fucks reindeer
- Only gives rich kids good presents
- Dates ugly chicks
- Segregates weaker toys
- Runs over grandmas with reindeer
- Prefers to stay out of politics
- Only got to be Santa ’cause Daddy was Santa
- Fat, white, and ugly
- Masturbates 8
Top Ten Money Flavored Candies
- Sacagaweamacallits
- Mars Bars of Gold
- Reese’s Pieces of Eight
- Mounds of Cash
- Abbazabillion dollars
- Peppermint Pennies
- Kit Ka$h
- Rolo Quarters
- Jujudimes
- Snickels
Top Ten Reasons the University won’t give you your Degree
- Underwater basketweaving prereq. not met
- For your own good
- “Readin’ Stuff” not an approved major. Yet.
- The library wants their book back
- Because you’re sponsored by Old Spice
- They did, it was in Kelvin
- 119.5 units
- The “chalk dust incident”
Disney Babes
While Disney tries to hide phallic symbols in the back of its cutesy animated features, no one needs to slow down the tape to realize that the Disney princesses are really fucking hot. Think about it: what turns us guys … Read More
Morissette Single Reaches New Levels of Meta-Irony
The Alanis Morissette song “Ironic” finally achieved the twenty third level of recursive meta-irony this week when local grad student Josh Greenberg purchased the song after a discussion with his thesis advisor. While Greenberg’s decision to purchase the single in … Read More
Holiday Gift Guide
From SquelchCo
Glow-in-the-Dark Enema Kit
Parent and child alike will glean endless hours of fun the SquelchCo way with this fully guaranteed glow-in-the-dark enema kit. Power outages and spooky Halloween sleepovers have never before been this exciting (or this purifying).
#65422. Also … Read More
Criminal Element to Help Revitalize Economy
In a stunning move that senior White House correspondent James Wellton could only describe as “stunning,” the Bush administration turned to the “dredges of the earth” to help stimulate the lackluster economy of recent months.
“I ask you, the criminal … Read More
Ludwig’s Fountain Filled With Bubbles
Yeah, ’cause that’s really fucking cool. Oh wow. Bubbles. Wow. Never seen that before. Whoop-dee-freakin’-doo.… Read More
