Doing Yoga
You: Finally, I’ve been looking forward to this all day. Are you ready for some yoga?
Yoga Instructor: You know, it’s been a long day, and I’m really tired…I’m just not in the mood right now. Is that … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Kobe Bryant OK’d to Penetrate Again
Lakers Star Shooting Guard Kobe Bryant was cleared Wednesday by a Boulder, Colorado council to penetrate again. Fans of the 6-time All Star noticed his lack of penetration last season, complaining that he would settle for outside jumpers far too … Read More
Hurricane Katrina Devastates Girls Gone Wild Franchise
As residents of The Big Easy rolled up their sleeves in preparation for the long process of rebuilding, others pulled their halter tops down and packed away their beads. With New Orleans in ruins, officials claim the annual Mardi Gras … Read More
Chimpanzee to Star as Next Triple X
The producers of the Triple X Franchise recently revealed the star of the next Triple X installment: “Triple X: Master of Illusions”. The film features BooBoo, a primate of the Pan Paniscus or “Bonobo” Chimpanzee species in the lead role. … Read More
Pre-Jection
In this fast-paced internet-based fiber-optic African-swallow age of ours where time is money and money some sort of meta-time, we’re just too busy for standard courtship whether in romance, finance, or metallurgy. We need answers and we need them before … Read More
Are You There, Mega-Vibe 6000?
It’s Me, Margaret…
_First Date _
Margaret: …then he said he could never marry me. I guess I’ve been afraid of a serious relationship ever since.
Mega: Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz.
Margaret: Ohh thank you. You’re right, I do deserve better.
Mega: Bzzzz.
Margaret: I’ve … Read More
Words from The Top
Bullshit Sports
I’ll never be an athlete. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I got picked last in P.E. or anything. I wasn’t the fat kid, or the crutches kid, or the kid with mittens sewn onto his sleeves to create … Read More
US Troops Unaware of Facebook Support
Despite boasting 96 members, the UCB Facebook group “Support Our Troops” has had little to no discernible effect on the morale of US troops stationed in Iraq. When asked how the support from Berkeley Facebook members was aiding in the … Read More
Trial Transcripts from the ADD Court Stenographer
Q. Did you see someone leave Ms. Sakamura’s apartment on the night in question?
A. Yes.
Q. And were you able to identify this person?
A. Yes.
Q. How?
A. I recognized his something something corduroy something.
Q. Was there … Read More
The Windian Beneath My Wings
Hello, my name is Mitchell Scott Rodricks, and I’m a Windian.
Now I’m sure you’re saying to yourself, “Well what the heck is a Windian and how can I get him to have sex with me?” A Windian is a … Read More
