Since the time when that first primeval man first climbed down from the first trees, literally hundreds of years ago, our most beloved actors have depicted the President. But what if roles were switched and the actors really were President…… Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Cool Diseases
The difference between being a cool guy with herpes and a loser with herpes is all in the transmission. This guide will help explain the cool and uncool ways to get a disease.
Mono
Uncool way to get it: Sharing … Read More
Howard Stern Moves to Satellite
After a brief hiatus from the airwaves, DJ Howard Stern returned to radio on the Sirius Satellite Network. Media analysts expected Stern’s millions of loyal viewers to make the switch to satellite radio, but the superstar shock jock’s reception was … Read More
Top Ten Other Things That Happen Every Ten Seconds
- A drag queen hits her penis with a hammer
- George bush wonders what the Dukes of Hazard are doing
- A gay teenager asks if it’s time to hit the showers
- The wish of a white middle class child comes true
Excerpts from The Bible’s DVD Commentary Track
[opening credits]
Producer: Of course in retrospect it seems totally obvious, but I remember we agonized for a while about casting God.
Director: And then–it was our casting director Jerry, I think–he brought up the idea of just … Read More
President Cries in a Corner
President Bush’s feelings were seriously injured this week when his NSA Domestic Surveillance Program intercepted hundreds of libelous emails defaming the president’s character. The majority of the offending letters were found to be circulating through West Wing offices.
“These are … Read More
Top Ten Pornographic Movies Featuring Sex with a Miner
- Squat Claimers
- Silt on My Face
- Two in the Pinkerton
- Mother Loads
- Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: Uncensored
- The Further Adventures of John Shovel-Cock
- Sluice Boxes, Loose Foxes and Moose Cockses (illegal in US)
- Sluice Boxes and Loose Foxes
WORLD: Middle East Peace Process Totally Fucked
With Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s life hanging in the balance at Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, the Mid-East Peace Process is fucked. And I don’t mean “you scratched mom’s new car” fucked, I mean “you accidentally dumped that whole ounce … Read More
Handling the Homeless
Berkeley attracts homeless people like sluts attract Chlamydia, only sluts can treat Chlamydia, while we are left to deal with the itchy discharge that is the homeless. Every homeless man, woman or dog uses some weep-story tragedy to try to … Read More
Top Ten Diseases You Wish You Had
- Peter Parkinson’s and Spider-Maningitis
- Genital Mono
- Whatever you get from sleeping with Jessica Alba
- Alzheimer’s if you recently watched your family be mauled by tigers
- That type of cancer that makes you crap Beanie Babies
- Tickle-Cell Anemia
- HIV Negative
- The
