- Mark Paul Gosselar eternal monologue to camera
- A giant trophy case for Tom Holmoe after we kill him
- Vietnam War Boring Wall of Names
- Ethnic studies eternal cop car flame
- Quake III Klebold/Harris Edition
- The Airwolf Sanctuary
- Washington Monument
- Religion
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Entries That Didn’t Make the Other Lists in this Issue
- The non-sequitur
- Princess Diana golden telephoto lens
- This one
- Recently invested in eToaster
- Not a damn word, just let him dry hump your leg one last time, you heartless wretch.
- Phantom of the Operadish
- When supervisor walks in throw cheese
Top Ten Ways to Act Like You’re Working in a Pizza Factory
- Keep one Netscape browser window open to Pizza.org while writing personal emails
- Lie down in giant vat of pizza sauce and make pizza angels
- Order pizza!
- Repeat in loud voice, “I sure am making a lot of pizzas!”
- Ride around
Top Ten Vegetarian Musicals
- Rentcumber
- Jesus Christ Did You Try the Vegetable Dip?
- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, to Buy Cabbage
- The Sound of Mueslix
- Banannie Get Your Gun
- Oliver! Oil
- Bring in the Soy, Bring in the Funk
Top Ten Formulaic Top Ten Entries
- The one about Hoku Jeffrey/Lauren Bausch
- The really long, rambling one
- The one that references an earlier entry
- The one that’s not a joke
- The timely reference to campus news
- The shamelessly unfunny coding/physics joke
- The self-deprecating one
- The one
Top Ten Things to Do with 50 Corpses
- Toss in junk drawer
- Take seven and form your own damn octet
- Drop out windows
- Have join Sigma Phi Epsilon to emphasize how dead the house is
- Enroll in hard classes to lower the mean
- Line them up, then knock
Top Ten New Ethnic Clubs on Campus
-
Invade me, I’m French
-
Frisk my anal cavity for drugs, I’m Colombian
- Devalue my currency, I’m Japanese
- Kindly remove the war hammer I’ve embedded in your spine, I’m Mongolian
- Give me your fucking land, I’m American
- Help me to clean
Top Ten Impossible Carnival Games
- Knock over three skyscrapers with a softball
- One of those games with a squirt gun and either galloping horses, or inflating balloons…
- Throw a dart and inflate the balloon
- Toss water into a dish floating on a pool of quarters
Top Ten Beatles Songs Popular in Nazi Germany
-
Paperback Burner
-
I Wanna Seize Your Land
- When I’m 64 Pounds
- Back in the USSR, Where We Lost Half of Our Land Forces
- Yesterday (Allied Forces Seemed So Far Away)
- Strawberry Fields Until the Allies Invade
- With a Little Help
Top Ten Hackneyed Movie Taglines
- A controversial film by Oliver Stone
- Where man is the endangered species
- Part x. Part y. All x
- By the producers of The Air Up There
- She?s the best cop in the world, he?s a dinosaur
- In the world of