- You saw the stereo you just bought for $399 at Best Buy for $329.
- There are two friends in your apartment, and enough alcohol for fifty
- You’re eating Super-Sized fries.
- You’re old and white, but your wife doesn’t look old…she
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- Verbs
- Sneezing
- Whatever the opposite of tormenting small caged helpless animals is
- True love
- Mirrors
- Noon
- Dimes
- Your own skin
- Antibodies
- Latex
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- Naked Statue of Liberty
- Girl’d Trade Center
- Grand Canyon
- Great Lakes of Female Ejaculate
- Washington Monument
- Viagra Falls (I’m sorry…)
- Golden Showers Gate Bridge
- Space Needle Dick
- Great Barrier Beef
- The Lube
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- Draw mustaches on professors without hurting your grade
- Have record of Tuesday Night Drinking Club (TNDC) for posterity
- Weighty tome keeps coffee table from blowing away
- After college, you can ask pictures “So what’s your major?” and receive answers from
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- Oral Fisting
- 96
- PhoneFeltching
- Sex with Tom
- Auto-Erotic Tea-bagging
- Nasalingus
- Menage ‘e un
- BDSMQWXCTF
- French Hugging
- Yoga
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- Mark Paul Gosselar eternal monologue to camera
- A giant trophy case for Tom Holmoe after we kill him
- Vietnam War Boring Wall of Names
- Ethnic studies eternal cop car flame
- Quake III Klebold/Harris Edition
- The Airwolf Sanctuary
- Washington Monument
- Religion
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- The non-sequitur
- Princess Diana golden telephoto lens
- This one
- Recently invested in eToaster
- Not a damn word, just let him dry hump your leg one last time, you heartless wretch.
- Phantom of the Operadish
- When supervisor walks in throw cheese
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- Keep one Netscape browser window open to Pizza.org while writing personal emails
- Lie down in giant vat of pizza sauce and make pizza angels
- Order pizza!
- Repeat in loud voice, “I sure am making a lot of pizzas!”
- Ride around
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- Rentcumber
- Jesus Christ Did You Try the Vegetable Dip?
- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, to Buy Cabbage
- The Sound of Mueslix
- Banannie Get Your Gun
- Oliver! Oil
- Bring in the Soy, Bring in the Funk
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- The one about Hoku Jeffrey/Lauren Bausch
- The really long, rambling one
- The one that references an earlier entry
- The one that’s not a joke
- The timely reference to campus news
- The shamelessly unfunny coding/physics joke
- The self-deprecating one
- The one
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