- Intelligent life once existed in AAA.
- Next time we should probe Uranus.
- Oatmeal is not, in fact, the right thing to do, nor is it a tasty way to do it.
- Barry Kurtz has herpes. Yes, you, Barry.
- A Martian
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Ten Worst Things About Tabling for the Squelch
- No one takes us seriously.
- Living in constant fear of your soul being damned for eternity.
- Cal-PIRG
- The evil feeling in the pit of your stomach that comes from not defending something by any means necessary.
- Overaggressive falafel vendors.
- Pepper
Top Ten Other Things Given To China
-
The ASUC store
-
Your mom
- That Cal Democrat publication
- MSG
- Pennsylvania Ave. and a get out of jail free card
- Most Flavored Nation status
- Gonorrhea
- Speed 2
- A lovely Jeopardy!<sup>TM</sup> home game
- People’s Park
Top Ten Monkeys
- Dr. Zaius
- The dead one in my toilet
- Monkey businessmen
- Gieep, the Wonder Twins’ space monkey
- Any monkey in a barrel
- The monkey on my back
- Mickey Dolenz
- Flying Wizard of Oz monkey
- Pygmy monkey
- Howler monkey
Top Ten Berkeley TV Shows
-
Who’s the Chancellor?
-
The Sigma Chi Files
- Walker: Night Safety Patrolman
- Unsolved Mysteries of Dwinelle
- Berdahl in Charge
- Men Behaving Badly, But Don’t Judge!
- Berkeley Hills, 90704
- The Futile Gourmet
- METERMAIDS: in Berkeley
- Just the Tien of Us
Top Thirteen Most Disturbing Things Your Professor Could Say
- “Mmmm-bop!”
- “You will now address me as Lord Zoltar.”
- “Office hours will be clothing optional.”
- “There will be no Black Lightening this semester.”
- “Do I look fat.”
- “let’s get ready to rumble.”
- “I believe in teaching openly, so feel free
This Summer’s Top Ten Porno Movies
- Genital Contact
- George of the Jungle and His 12 Inch Penis
- Nothing To Splooge
- Ulee’s Golden Shower
- Pants/Off
- Herpules
- Anaconda
- My Best Friend’s Orgy
- Batman is Bobbin’
- Men in Black Spandex
Top Ten Surprises Chancellor Berdahi Brought From Texas
-
Lunatic with big ears wants to be ASUC President.
-
“Homeless” replaced with “varmints.”
- New ropin’ team.
- Doe lawn now Doe beef ranch.
- New “Crispy Hair Studies” department.
- Sproul preachers make excellent rodeo announcers.
- The Pinto on blocks in front of
Top Ten New Target Groups For Affirmative Action
- Hookers
- Thundercats
- Hanson
- Saved by fhe Bell cast members
- John Tesh
- Drug-crazed Nazis
- Angry white males
- Orphaned princes
- Rapists
- Paparazzi
Top Ten People You Don’t Want to Wake Up Next To
-
An EECS major (unless you are an EECS major, in which case you shouldn’t be picky)
-
Genghis Kahn
- Mike Tyson
- Your cellmate
- Mr. Blackstone, your third grade teacher
- Jimmy Hotfa
- A praying mantis, because it will bite off your head
