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Lunatic with big ears wants to be ASUC President.
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“Homeless” replaced with “varmints.”
- New ropin’ team.
- Doe lawn now Doe beef ranch.
- New “Crispy Hair Studies” department.
- Sproul preachers make excellent rodeo announcers.
- The Pinto on blocks in front of
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Ten New Target Groups For Affirmative Action
- Hookers
- Thundercats
- Hanson
- Saved by fhe Bell cast members
- John Tesh
- Drug-crazed Nazis
- Angry white males
- Orphaned princes
- Rapists
- Paparazzi
Top Ten People You Don’t Want to Wake Up Next To
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An EECS major (unless you are an EECS major, in which case you shouldn’t be picky)
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Genghis Kahn
- Mike Tyson
- Your cellmate
- Mr. Blackstone, your third grade teacher
- Jimmy Hotfa
- A praying mantis, because it will bite off your head
Top Ten ill-Conceived Product Names
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Sugar-Frosted Hitler Bites
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Krabs
- Bitch-Be-Gone
- Nad’s Den
- Daily Cal
- Vagisil
- Nips
- In-N-Out
- Hemmorid
- Anusol
Top Ten Ways to Piss Off a Telegraph Punk
- Offer him a job.
- Kick his dog in the face again.
- Give him a fat wad of old Mexican pesos.
- Make looking like a freak trendy.
- Rip out the safety pin from his nose and say,”not so safe, was it?”
Top Ten Songs About Paparazzi
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She’ll Have Fun, Fun, Fun, ‘Til The Paparazzi Cause her to Die in an Auto Accident
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You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Paparazzi
- Blood Sugar Sex Paparazzi
- Loddy Doddy, (We Likes to Paparazzi)
- Paparazzi Killed the Radio Star
- Mama
Top Ten Reasons
- Because she’s the president’s daughter
- I needed the money
- She said she was 15
- The comet was approaching
- I’m your mother
- All my friends did jump off the bridge
- I’m fuckin’ wasted (frat boy only)
- Because it’s there
- It’s the
Top Ten Names for the Next Atomic Element Discovered by Berkeley Scientists
- Oskigen
- Gold
- Hatemanganese
- Potbrownium
- Pepper Spray
- Calcium
- Blue
- Memorialstadium
- Telebearylium
- Unabombium
Top Ten Discoveries Made By the Mars Rover
- Intelligent life once existed in AAA.
- Next time we should probe Uranus.
- Oatmeal is not, in fact, the right thing to do, nor is it a tasty way to do it.
- Barry Kurtz has herpes. Yes, you, Barry.
- A Martian
Top Ten Worst Things About Tabling for the Squelch
- No one takes us seriously.
- Living in constant fear of your soul being damned for eternity.
- Cal-PIRG
- The evil feeling in the pit of your stomach that comes from not defending something by any means necessary.
- Overaggressive falafel vendors.
- Pepper
