- When he’s covered in twelve-inch stainless steel spikes
- When he’s a bear
- When the contractions are thirty seconds apart
- During a duel
- As he’s pulling out
- While he’s laying down a big steamy loaf
- When he’s about to score a
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Three Benefits of Being Black in the United States in 1800
-
Always get 2/5 more pie
-
Cash in on “5 for the price of 3” specials at amusement parks
- Always get 40% discount on movie tickets
Top Ten Reasons Your Head Is Going to Explode
- Head implosion is so 1998
- You’re in space, and although you do have your helmet, it’s useless because you are six years old and made it yourself out of cardboard
- You filled your head with popcorn kernels and then heated
Top Ten Ways to Tell You’ve Found a Quality Girl
- Your group of quality friends have already gotten with her
- bonus hole
- She’s two feet tall and makes your penis look enormous
- has all her papers and she’s clean
- feet tightly bound
- thick healthy hymen
- She reminds you of your
Top Ten Inappropriate Memorials
- Mark Paul Gosselar eternal monologue to camera
- A giant trophy case for Tom Holmoe after we kill him
- Vietnam War Boring Wall of Names
- Ethnic studies eternal cop car flame
- Quake III Klebold/Harris Edition
- The Airwolf Sanctuary
- Washington Monument
- Religion
Top Ten Ways to Act Like You’re Working in a Pizza Factory
- Keep one Netscape browser window open to Pizza.org while writing personal emails
- Lie down in giant vat of pizza sauce and make pizza angels
- Order pizza!
- Repeat in loud voice, “I sure am making a lot of pizzas!”
- Ride around
Top Ten Worst Things to Be Allergic To
- Verbs
- Sneezing
- Whatever the opposite of tormenting small caged helpless animals is
- True love
- Mirrors
- Noon
- Dimes
- Your own skin
- Antibodies
- Latex
Top Ten Pointlessly Exotic Sexual Practices
- Oral Fisting
- 96
- PhoneFeltching
- Sex with Tom
- Auto-Erotic Tea-bagging
- Nasalingus
- Menage ‘e un
- BDSMQWXCTF
- French Hugging
- Yoga
Top Ten Benefits of Buying a College Yearbook
- Draw mustaches on professors without hurting your grade
- Have record of Tuesday Night Drinking Club (TNDC) for posterity
- Weighty tome keeps coffee table from blowing away
- After college, you can ask pictures “So what’s your major?” and receive answers from
Top Ten Vegetarian Musicals
- Rentcumber
- Jesus Christ Did You Try the Vegetable Dip?
- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, to Buy Cabbage
- The Sound of Mueslix
- Banannie Get Your Gun
- Oliver! Oil
- Bring in the Soy, Bring in the Funk
