Top Ten Worst Times to Tackle Someone

  1. When he’s covered in twelve-inch stainless steel spikes
  2. When he’s a bear
  3. When the contractions are thirty seconds apart
  4. During a duel
  5. As he’s pulling out
  6. While he’s laying down a big steamy loaf
  7. When he’s about to score a point in badminton, regardless of the circumstances
  8. When he’s one yard away from the endzone and he plays for Stanford and you play for Cal
  9. While he’s giving his inauguration speech
  10. Just before the priest says “man and wife”