-
Always get 2/5 more pie
-
Cash in on “5 for the price of 3” specials at amusement parks
- Always get 40% discount on movie tickets
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Ten Reasons Your Head Is Going to Explode
- Head implosion is so 1998
- You’re in space, and although you do have your helmet, it’s useless because you are six years old and made it yourself out of cardboard
- You filled your head with popcorn kernels and then heated
Top Ten Pornographic Summer Movies
- America’s Cocksucking Sweethearts, John Cusack and Julia Roberts and Especially Billy Crystal
- The Score
- Twat Race
- Shrek Fucks a Donkey
- Muff Hour 2
- The Princess Red Shoe Diaries
- Ass-End The Furious
- Barely Legally Blonde
- Anal Fantasy: The Penis Within
- Pearl
Top Ten Benefits of Buying a College Yearbook
- Draw mustaches on professors without hurting your grade
- Have record of Tuesday Night Drinking Club (TNDC) for posterity
- Weighty tome keeps coffee table from blowing away
- After college, you can ask pictures “So what’s your major?” and receive answers from
Top Ten Vegetarian Musicals
- Rentcumber
- Jesus Christ Did You Try the Vegetable Dip?
- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, to Buy Cabbage
- The Sound of Mueslix
- Banannie Get Your Gun
- Oliver! Oil
- Bring in the Soy, Bring in the Funk
Top Ten Ways to Catch the Loch Ness Monster
- Dress up as a sexy female Loch Ness monster, keeping you true non-monster identity secret until the
- French kiss someone who already has the Loch Ness monster.
- Turn the world upside down, and handily catch the monster as it falls.
Top Ten Entries That Didn’t Make the Other Lists in this Issue
- The non-sequitur
- Princess Diana golden telephoto lens
- This one
- Recently invested in eToaster
- Not a damn word, just let him dry hump your leg one last time, you heartless wretch.
- Phantom of the Operadish
- When supervisor walks in throw cheese
Top Ten Pornographic Landmarks
- Naked Statue of Liberty
- Girl’d Trade Center
- Grand Canyon
- Great Lakes of Female Ejaculate
- Washington Monument
- Viagra Falls (I’m sorry…)
- Golden Showers Gate Bridge
- Space Needle Dick
- Great Barrier Beef
- The Lube
Top Ten Things to Do with 50 Corpses
- Toss in junk drawer
- Take seven and form your own damn octet
- Drop out windows
- Have join Sigma Phi Epsilon to emphasize how dead the house is
- Enroll in hard classes to lower the mean
- Line them up, then knock
Top Ten Ways to Tell You Spent Too Much Money
- You saw the stereo you just bought for $399 at Best Buy for $329.
- There are two friends in your apartment, and enough alcohol for fifty
- You’re eating Super-Sized fries.
- You’re old and white, but your wife doesn’t look old…she
