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Always get 2/5 more pie
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Cash in on “5 for the price of 3” specials at amusement parks
- Always get 40% discount on movie tickets
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Ten Reasons Your Head Is Going to Explode
- Head implosion is so 1998
- You’re in space, and although you do have your helmet, it’s useless because you are six years old and made it yourself out of cardboard
- You filled your head with popcorn kernels and then heated
Top Ten Pornographic Summer Movies
- America’s Cocksucking Sweethearts, John Cusack and Julia Roberts and Especially Billy Crystal
- The Score
- Twat Race
- Shrek Fucks a Donkey
- Muff Hour 2
- The Princess Red Shoe Diaries
- Ass-End The Furious
- Barely Legally Blonde
- Anal Fantasy: The Penis Within
- Pearl
Top Ten Ways to Catch the Loch Ness Monster
- Dress up as a sexy female Loch Ness monster, keeping you true non-monster identity secret until the
- French kiss someone who already has the Loch Ness monster.
- Turn the world upside down, and handily catch the monster as it falls.
Top Ten Entries That Didn’t Make the Other Lists in this Issue
- The non-sequitur
- Princess Diana golden telephoto lens
- This one
- Recently invested in eToaster
- Not a damn word, just let him dry hump your leg one last time, you heartless wretch.
- Phantom of the Operadish
- When supervisor walks in throw cheese
Top Ten Pornographic Landmarks
- Naked Statue of Liberty
- Girl’d Trade Center
- Grand Canyon
- Great Lakes of Female Ejaculate
- Washington Monument
- Viagra Falls (I’m sorry…)
- Golden Showers Gate Bridge
- Space Needle Dick
- Great Barrier Beef
- The Lube
Top Ten Things to Do with 50 Corpses
- Toss in junk drawer
- Take seven and form your own damn octet
- Drop out windows
- Have join Sigma Phi Epsilon to emphasize how dead the house is
- Enroll in hard classes to lower the mean
- Line them up, then knock
Top Ten Ways to Tell You Spent Too Much Money
- You saw the stereo you just bought for $399 at Best Buy for $329.
- There are two friends in your apartment, and enough alcohol for fifty
- You’re eating Super-Sized fries.
- You’re old and white, but your wife doesn’t look old…she
Top Ten Formulaic Top Ten Entries
- The one about Hoku Jeffrey/Lauren Bausch
- The really long, rambling one
- The one that references an earlier entry
- The one that’s not a joke
- The timely reference to campus news
- The shamelessly unfunny coding/physics joke
- The self-deprecating one
- The one
Top Ten Reasons to Wake Up Angry
- You’re an infant, you’re hungry, you’ve got a poopy diaper, and you have feet the size of an NBA power forward
- You’re in a bathtub full of ice, but your kidneys have not been removed, so you’re still not sure
