- Explain that if your randomly-chosen floor matches the floor chosen by your potential lover in the other elevator, you were meant to be together
- Take elevator from first to second floor, you lazy, non-stair-walking ASUC fuck
- Press every button, get
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- Operation Let’s Not Hit Another Goddamn Embassy
- Operation I Slam, You Slam, We All Slam Islam
- Great American Smoke-Out
- Fruit Bars & Cluster Bombs
- Operation Noble But Conflicted Eagle
- Operation Towel Whip
- Operation Last Crusade
- Iran’s Warning Shot
- Smackdown!
- Muslim
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- Etch-a-Sketch Man & Mr. Jitters
- Stand-Man & Can’t-Stand- Stand-Man -Man
- Love Man & Friend Girl
- Superman & Lousyman
- BAMN-Man & Bam-Bam
- Daredevil & DareJesus
- Chalkman & White Board
- Riddler & “See Answer on Page 9” Man
- Sharkman & Cap’n Chum
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- The Making of a Lifetime Original Movie: A Lifetime Original Movie
- Some Dumb Movie For Women
- Hold On For One More Day: The Carnie Wilson Story
- So Many Tears
- Estranged Boyfriend Abortion Doctor Rape Incest
- Ex-Husband Killer Stalker Man
- My
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- X-communication Files
- Really Big Family Ties
- Growing Pains in My Side After Being Speared
- Cardinals of Hazzard
- Golden Grails
- Calvary Hillbillies
- Full Mass
- Who’s on the Cross?
- She’s the Pope
- Who’s the Pope?
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- Amnesia
- Undying hate of Cal football fans
- The last five years of his life back
- 30-second video of team highlights (1997-2001)
- A bunch of sorority girls to say “Oh, but you’re such a nice guy.”
- Touchdown-throwing mule
- Jar to hold
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- Misinterpret the huddle
- Poison people, tell them only antidote is hugging
- Spend $300,000 on One Campus initiative
- Alphabetically
- Join a sorority
- eVite
- Flail arms on crowded BART train
- Cast Robin Williams
- Get drunk and break down in front of your
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- Matrix-style slo-mo moves around flyers
- Light self on fire
- Pretend you’re blind
- Be non-Asian / non-Greek material
- Say “No thanks.”
- Walk on your hands
- Hold grenade in one hand, a bomb in other, and say “Sorry, my hands are full.”
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- Cover self with fun house mirrors so you look like a bigger shark
- Dress up like a girl shark and flirt (Warning: May result in shark rape)
- Play dead
- Be the lead character
- Your first day in the ocean, beat
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- When you were five you said “Someday I’ll go to Berkeley and live in a shithole apartment.”
- You could win the lottery if you wanted to
- Is this your card?
- You’re homeless and need change
- You knew Original Sin was
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