Top Ten Ways to Feel Insignificant

  1. Be a daughter born in China

  2. Turn self into pixel

  3. Appear on cover of Asianweek
  4. Ask out and be rejected by Anne Cooper, this girl in my co-op
  5. Give the best speech of your life; realize you’re mute
  6. Realize you just wasted one billion sperm
  7. Vote for Nader
  8. Imagine the depressingly small number of mourners at your hypothetical funeral following your hypothetical suicide
  9. Have sex with a 400 foot vagina
  10. Piss into the ocean