Top Ten Emergencies at the Elementary School Health Office

  1. Poorly funded school system
  2. A really painful splinter under the thumbnail that no one can help you with because there’s not even really a nurse working in the so-called “health office,” and everyone’s too frightened of lawsuits to pick up a lousy pair of tweezers to help a sufferin
  3. Chronic wussiness
  4. Too-realistic earthquake drill
  5. Miscarriage
  6. PLTDs (Puppy Love Transmitted Diseases)
  7. Pok+A-mania!
  8. Mouth glued shut
  9. Tether elbow
  10. Third-degree wedgies