- Grover Cleveland
- Beastly Muff
- Pubic Zirconium
- Spelling Bea
- Busty Brian
- Hot Karla
- Synnamin Rollz
- World’s Best Grandma
- Steele Reserrv
- Krabb Kakes
- Karrot Pealer
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- Slinky
- Broken stencil, letters A-J
- Hairbrush whittled out of a potato
- Stretch of shag carpeting that once had 7-Up poured on it but has now dried
- Complete set of 32 ginsu knives
- Baseball cap
- Half-pound of spaghetti
- Another dude’s even
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- Dick Gum: Gum for Your Dick
- Dickorette
- The toothless gums of your sexy grandmother (fellating me)
- Bazooka Johnspn
- Juicy Fruitbasket
- Dicklets
- Doublewidth
- XXXtra
- Big Red
- Humple Yum
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- Break her apart and put your person-sized dick on trial for murder
- Require attendants to carry your oxen-sized member on a tarp
- Suck the rest of the blood from your body with your blistering red penis
- Embarass yourself in public
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- Goodnight Poon
- Frog and Toad, Together in that Way
- Cocks in Socks
- Pippi Dongstocking
- Where the Wild Things are Filmed and Put on the Internet
- Bi-curious George
- Winnie the Pooh-fetishist
- Oh, the Carpets You’ll Mow
- Where Waldo’s Dick?
- Charlotte’s Wet
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- Silly String funny, not lethal
- Grandma Bush’s homemade lemonade
- Iraq painted fierce looking “X”s on top of all military installations, hoping to scare off U.S. planes
- Three words: R. Lee Ermey
- Human wall actually made out of easily penetrable human
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- Misguided “smoke a blunt, get a bomb” program
- Allah so much cooler when high
- Drug use makes you ineligible for the armed services
- The little girl on the bike that you killed while driving around high would have been the
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- Chicken… or the egg
- Unsliced condoms
- Fusion power
- The telephone
- Marzipan!
- Loaves
- Not dying of cholera
- Sex and/or masturbation
- Bread Slicer, invented in 1793 by Eli Whitney
- Sliced peanut butter
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- Amit Tamir
- Smurf socks smurf
- Subtle Butler
- Baal’s slab
- Drab draft
- Campanile C
- Poopy
- La Val’s
- Amish Shrimp
- Yves’ racecar: Chevy!
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- Grow a thin mustache
- Smoke cigarettes and look cool
- Pop that kid’s damn balloon
- Tell every French person you meet, “Gee, how ’bout that Maginot Line?”
- Fall in love with a beast
- Try to step in the exact same place
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