Two words: Platinum codpiece
Learn a couple Elliot Smith songs on acoustic guitar; instantly become ball-deep in poontang
E-vite for one
Become an RA
Ask your ex for all her friends’ phone numbers
Hang out outside girl’s bathroom. Try very … Read More
You already kicked them in the nads
Because you’re Jean Claude Van Damme and that’s what you do. You kick. The shins are incidental.
The shins belong to Hitler
You haven’t kicked anyone in the shins yet today
Their shins … Read More
Fudge
The Presidency of the United States during a time of peril when the country actually needs a president committed to protecting the freedom we cherish instead of pushing aregressive tax structure unheard of since when child labor was considered … Read More
He carries pills in his pocket, but when you ask him what they are for, he says something that sounds like “raping you,” then stammers a lot and finally ends up saying something feeble and unconvincing that rhymes with “raping … Read More
Chicken… or the egg
Unsliced condoms
Fusion power
The telephone
Marzipan!
Loaves
Not dying of cholera
Sex and/or masturbation
Bread Slicer, invented in 1793 by Eli Whitney
Sliced peanut butter
… Read More
Amit Tamir
Smurf socks smurf
Subtle Butler
Baal’s slab
Drab draft
Campanile C
Poopy
La Val’s
Amish Shrimp
Yves’ racecar: Chevy!
… Read More
Grow a thin mustache
Smoke cigarettes and look cool
Pop that kid’s damn balloon
Tell every French person you meet, “Gee, how ’bout that Maginot Line?”
Fall in love with a beast
Try to step in the exact same place … Read More
About Slit
Fellate Me if You Can
My Big Fat Greek Wedding Night
The Hours and Hours of Sex
About a Boytoy
Spirited Lay
The 12-inch Uncircumcised Pianist
Gangbangs of New York
… Read More
Free porn!
Being an egg loaner not lucrative enough
Lower your cholesterol
So you can experience the joy of being a donor
You’re an Olympic runner and they’re weighing you down
Beats being a leg donor
You’re tired of seeing … Read More
Take-yo-Sushi Biatch
Crepes-a-Poo-Poo
Chez P+Anis
Juice Appeal (but open)
Mildly Intelligent Alec’s
Kip’s Underage Caf+A
Morbidly Obese Slice
El Burrito
Frogurt Shark
Slop Dog
… Read More