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Slinky
Broken stencil, letters A-J
Hairbrush whittled out of a potato
Stretch of shag carpeting that once had 7-Up poured on it but has now dried
Complete set of 32 ginsu knives
Baseball cap
Half-pound of spaghetti
Another dude’s even … Read More
Dick Gum: Gum for Your Dick
Dickorette
The toothless gums of your sexy grandmother (fellating me)
Bazooka Johnspn
Juicy Fruitbasket
Dicklets
Doublewidth
XXXtra
Big Red
Humple Yum
… Read More
Break her apart and put your person-sized dick on trial for murder
Require attendants to carry your oxen-sized member on a tarp
Suck the rest of the blood from your body with your blistering red penis
Embarass yourself in public … Read More
Two words: Platinum codpiece
Learn a couple Elliot Smith songs on acoustic guitar; instantly become ball-deep in poontang
E-vite for one
Become an RA
Ask your ex for all her friends’ phone numbers
Hang out outside girl’s bathroom. Try very … Read More
Goodnight Poon
Frog and Toad, Together in that Way
Cocks in Socks
Pippi Dongstocking
Where the Wild Things are Filmed and Put on the Internet
Bi-curious George
Winnie the Pooh-fetishist
Oh, the Carpets You’ll Mow
Where Waldo’s Dick?
Charlotte’s Wet … Read More
Silly String funny, not lethal
Grandma Bush’s homemade lemonade
Iraq painted fierce looking “X”s on top of all military installations, hoping to scare off U.S. planes
Three words: R. Lee Ermey
Human wall actually made out of easily penetrable human … Read More
Misguided “smoke a blunt, get a bomb” program
Allah so much cooler when high
Drug use makes you ineligible for the armed services
The little girl on the bike that you killed while driving around high would have been the … Read More
Chicken… or the egg
Unsliced condoms
Fusion power
The telephone
Marzipan!
Loaves
Not dying of cholera
Sex and/or masturbation
Bread Slicer, invented in 1793 by Eli Whitney
Sliced peanut butter
… Read More
Amit Tamir
Smurf socks smurf
Subtle Butler
Baal’s slab
Drab draft
Campanile C
Poopy
La Val’s
Amish Shrimp
Yves’ racecar: Chevy!
… Read More
Grow a thin mustache
Smoke cigarettes and look cool
Pop that kid’s damn balloon
Tell every French person you meet, “Gee, how ’bout that Maginot Line?”
Fall in love with a beast
Try to step in the exact same place … Read More
