- If it has “Evidence” written on it in
English, hide it in Mexico
- Put it in the Lost and Found
- Wear it as a non-evidence hat
- Pocket of cargo pants
- Throw it at the sun
- Craigslist
- Try to burn it,
… Read More
- River Nile becomes River Wendy’s Chilli
- Try having 80% of people control 80% of wealth, for a change
- Smoke yourself full
- Eat all the rhinos
- Creating much more innovative
and delicious ways to “control” the pet population
- Setting up food
… Read More
- Have more than a passingresemblance to Ed Asner
- Your measurements are 36-24-36-2
- Keep accidentally wearing yourthongs backwards
- Your finger isn’t long enough toactivate gag reflex
- Clothes you model keep burstinginto flames
- More penises then generally usual
- Won’t do partial nudity;
… Read More
- My fetus is an honor student at
prenatal academy
- Free China, Stop Tibet
- Keep your nanomachines out of
my Uterus!
- We’re here, we’re queer, we’re 50% of the US Population
- Stop the Dolphins
- Save the Whale
- US out of Eurochinaustralia
… Read More
- A Low Down Dirty Taint
- Taintanic
- How Stella Got Her Taint Back
- The Royal Taintenbaums
- That’s Entertaintment!
- Throw Momma from the Taint
- The Accidental Taintist
- Citizen Taint
- Taint Is Enough
- Taint Your Wagon
… Read More
- Picture of an eye, a yam, f + four-leaf clover + ing
- Soldering iron on door, a la Home Alone
- Write “Virgin-ville. Population: only you, Dave”
- Bouncer
- Leaving door open
- Message on answering machine
- Elaborate Birds/Bees metaphors
- Write “I am
… Read More
- The Second cutest thing, after you
kill the cutest thing
- Kitty riding a Care Bear vomiting
rainbows
- Oscar and Elmo reconciling their
feud
- Really, really cuddly lobsters
- Your daughter’s first pearl necklace
- Bambi, smiling
- Panda hugging a
… Read More
- “You write for the Squelch? I won’t
have sex with you.”
- “I got an A!”
- “I don’t need to have fat friends to
feel good about myself.”
- “Who’s up for a rousing game of
Scattergories?”
- “Why, this
… Read More
- Run the book over your naked body
- Write an equal sign, take a shot
- Pull the Fire Alarm of Knowledge
- Scrape ink off books, snort ink
- Watch Billy Madison 12 times
- Take Grampa’s advice to “wisen up” to heart
- Eat
… Read More
