Bizarro Jesus Christ first became known to the world at large around the year 4 B.B.C. (Before Bizarro Christ). To some, He was merely a freak of nature, the product of a futuristic duplicator built by evil genius Pontius Pilate. … Read More
Tag Archives: Sean Keane
Afghans Inadvertently Observe Ramadan
Clerics in Kabul report that nearly 100% of the citizens of Afghanistan are strictly observing the fast of Ramadan. The ninth month of the Muslim calendar, Ramadan is the time in which Muslims fast during daylight hours. Afghan citizens have … Read More
Cola Wars: Declassified
The 1980s marked the high point of a decades-long rivalry between two enormously powerful institutions, a rivalry that resulted in untold casualties, hardship, and tooth decay. The Cola War has died down, but the legacy of paranoia and hysteria still … Read More
Homecourt Advantage
In basketball, the mark of a truly great team is the ability to dominate in one’s home arena – maintaining the “home court” advantage. The 1995-96 Chicago Bulls, perhaps the greatest team of all time, lost just one game at … Read More
FAA Presents New Flight Safety Regulation
As part of increased security measures in the wake of last month’s terrorist attacks, the FAA announced today that Wesley Snipes will be placed aboard all transcontinental flights.
“We think Wesley’s brand of street smart athleticism and good humor will … Read More
U.S. So Totally, Totally Out of Money
President Bush announced today that the United States is “so totally broke.” “The disaster relief efforts, combined with our current economic slowdown and the tax cut, have run through our entire budget,” said Bush with a resigned shrug, sporting a … Read More
Monticello!
When Thomas Jefferson’s white descendants and black descendants live together in Monticello, be prepared for life, liberty, and the pursuit of wackiness! Coming this summer, on the WB!
SCENE 1
INT. COURTROOM
JUDGE : After reviewing both parties’ claims to … Read More
Local Student “Almost Definitely” Leaving Apartment Tomorrow
After nearly 84 consecutive hours spent within the walls of his apartment, student John Patterson will be venturing outside tomorrow, probably. Speaking from his living room couch, behind a haphazard pile of empty soda cans, pizza boxes, and half-eaten packages … Read More
Teddy Roosevelt: Trust Buster
A Look Back at Our Rough-Riding, Tough-Talking 26th President And His Long History of Busting Trusts: Emotional Trusts
1903
At a summer retreat for politicians and industrialists, Roosevelt is paired up with oil baron John D. Rockefeller. In one of the ice-breaker activities, Rockefeller lets himself fall backwards, trusting that Roosevelt will catch him. Roosevelt instead steps aside … Read More
Meat & Greet
Behavioral scientist B. F. Skinner once wrote, “Human conversations are as varied as stars in the night sky, and no less infinite in their possibility.” Malarkey, says I. When the pretense has been stripped away, there are but three basic … Read More
