FAA Presents New Flight Safety Regulation

As part of increased security measures in the wake of last month’s terrorist attacks, the FAA announced today that Wesley Snipes will be placed aboard all transcontinental flights.

“We think Wesley’s brand of street smart athleticism and good humor will resonate well with American travellers, and provide a serious deterrent to any potential hijackers,” said FAA spokesman Donovan Patricks.

When reached for comment, Snipes asked, “Do you ever play roulette?” then quickly shouted “Always bet on black!” and rode away on a motorcycle.