On several occasions. I’ve been forced to sit through a spectacle more frightening than an all-night Step by Step marathon. Yes kiddies. I’m talking about Cat’s cheerleaders. It’s a well-known fact that the “No fruit, glass, or cans” rule at … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Cal-PIRG Strikes Deal With Hockey Team
In another manaical protest for the environment, a member of Cal-PIRG brutally attacked and wounded several members of the Cal Ice Hockey team last week.
Trying desperately to get students to attend their games, all four members of the ice … Read More
Goodbye To Uncle Joe
_The wicked crawl from the wrong side of the cradle; their first words out of the womb are lies. Poison, lethal rattlesnake poison, drips from their forked tongues- Deaf to threats, deaf to charm, decades of wax built up in … Read More
Radar Can Suck My Dick
The theme song from the movie M.A.S.H. is called “Suicide Is Painless.” I don’t know if suicide is actually painless, but I know that graduating is not. Graduation is nine months away for me and I’m already getting nauseous just … Read More
The Devolution of Michael Dukakis
On October 4th 1843, on a foggy morning on New York’s Ellis Island, a family of poor Greek immigrants stepped off a Korean sardine vessel in search of the American Dream. Taking with them what meager possessions they had brought … Read More
A Few Words from the Top
Gather round, it’s complaining time. Something is always wrong on this campus, and few are too shy to keep their mouths shut. From campaigning to kick people off campus, to inquiring how the “Infamous 800” are doing one year later, … Read More
Ride, Pete, Ride
Oral presentation day was just 24 hours away, and little 4th grader Gina was a nervous wreck. As much as she liked researching the Pete Rose gambling scandal (researching in this case meant frequenting the local taverns to put money … Read More
How to Be a Mack-Daddy (or Daddy-Mack) Stud
You may have noticed already that the male populace of Berkeley can be separated into five categories. Follow in the footsteps of these bastions of manliness as I take you through the steps of finding, courting, and capturing your own … Read More
A Freshman Muses on Dwinelle
Being new to Berkeley, I had been told by others of the horrors I could expect. I had heard about the bureaucracy, the junkies, the five-hundred-student classes. I was warned of dorm food, and coed bathrooms, and finally, the roommates … Read More
Berkeley Personalities I’d Really Like to See
I am rather disappointed by the lack of new “crazies” at Berkeley this year. The nuthouse must have started tethering those shell-shocked, acid-flash-backing, anally-probed dirt-breeders a little tighter. Word on the street is that Yoshua is on hiatus from his … Read More
