A recent survey reveals that, in casual speech, the “Jr.” is omitted from the end of “Martin Luther King” 67% of the time. “This not only detracts from Martin Luther King Jr.’s well-deserved recognition, but also gives undo respect to … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Almost Straight Man Drives Silver Jetta
The sexual orientation of handsomely disheveled res-comp worker Tom Marcus was called into question this Christmas when he was given a silver Volkswagen Jetta by his parents.
“It’s a really nice car,” said longtime friend Cassie Cho. “Yeah! If I … Read More
Top Two Breakfast-related Custody Battle Movies
- I Am Toucan Sam
- Creamer vs. Creamer
Top Ten Slavery-related Rock Bands
- Audioslavery
- New Kids on the Auction Block
- Men at Work for No Pay
- 2/5 Less Than Jake
- Jefferson Davis Airplane
- Men Without Hats…or Freedom
- Godspeed You! Former Black Emperor Running North
- The Dandy Civilwarhols
- Colored Me Badd
- The Velvet Underground
Top Ten Euphemisms for Anal Leakage
- S’mears
- Trickle-down Fecalnomics
- Runny Butt
- Shits Lite!
- Hershey’s Wet Kisses
- A Visit from Uncle Flowseph
- Anal Seepage
- Guatemalan Water Torture
- Bizarro Period
- Dressing the Salad
Cosmetic Surgery for Animals
It is apparent that our society is becoming increasingly sexualized. From Lindsay Lohan’s big-ass titties to Donald Rumsfeld’s vagina tightening, male and female sexuality are being pushed to the limits through the wonders of cosmetic surgery. The pressure to look … Read More
Girl Falls for Best Friend
In a shocking turn of events, Kelly Harrison, a beautiful psychology major, has fallen for Tim Macy, her best friend, her ballroom dancing partner, and a member of the crew team. For years, Macy had feelings for Harrison, who he … Read More
Island Etiquette
Dear Kyle,
It has been seven days since I decided to eat you. It has also been seven days since you shot me in the leg and ran away from the plane with our only canteen.
It’s important to me … Read More
Top Ten Diseased Celebrities
- Lou Gehrig
- Leon Powelio
- Yo-Yo Ma-laria
- Gangrenous Khan
- Peter SARSgard
- Ray RaMono
- Dysenteri Hatcher
- Gonorrhea Perlman
- Scarlet Fever Johansson
- Margaret Cholera
Massage Therapists Take Legal Action
The “Massage Therapists” Union made “head lines” this week by heavily publicizing its “legal action.” While the specific details of this “legal action” remain unclear, union spokesperson Angelina Silk described it as including anything from “physical evidence” and “oral arguments” … Read More