Begin Act I **
**Hipster No. 1 : [Entering room.] Hey guys, what’s up?
Hipster No. 2 : Hey man.
Hipster No. 3 : Sup.
Hipster No. 4 : Manao ahoana.
No. 2 : Malagasy? Nice. [They … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Porn Director License Test
CIRCLE OR STAIN THE CORRECT ANSWER YOU MUST PASS WITH AN 85% TO OBTAIN CLASS 1 LICENSE
Health & Safety Section (2 Questions)
- In the event someone on set is choking, you should:
… Read MoreA. Perform the Heimlich
B. Call 911
A Harlequin Romance Novel Written by a 14-Year-Old Virgin Who’s Never Seen Cinemax Unscrambled
Chapter 7. Winter With the Pirates
Slowly and sexily the Lady Winderboddom unscrewed her bra straps one by one. With each violent burst of elastic, Hawthorne was one step closer to everything he’d dreamed about so messily the night before.
Her hands teasingly clasped her own … Read More
Ebert & Roeper & Blind Guy – At the Movies
_Day 1 _
Ebert : Hello everyone, and welcome back to Ebert and Roeper at the movies. Due to some of my unfortunate statements regarding the Americans with Disabilities Act, the court has ordered someone new to join us. So … Read More
Species of Step-Parents: A Taxonomical Survey
Villainous Disney Stepmother **
_Cruella De Mommus _
**Description : Tall, bony, and overdressed, possibly with an upturned nose.
Where she met your dad : Real mother’s funeral.
Method of Wooing : Icy glare and/or magic spells.
For Your Birthday… Read More
SwordTech Inc.’s Troubleshooting Guide
Q : My sword is not cleaving through enemy hordes like it should.
A : Be sure to remove your sword from your sheath before attempting to slaughter enemy hordes. The sheath is recognizable by its non-metallic surface and its … Read More
Words From the Top
Stop Masturbating
In this crazy chop-chop, let’s-get-going, stop-crying-and-put-your-shoes-on-so-help-me-God world, time is our most important resource. Time and pig iron. And you know who know how to manage their time? Benedictine monks. Whether it be translating everything into Latin or making sweet-ass wine, … Read More
Goomba War Journal
A New Leader, A New Hope
A friend of mine brought me to a political rally today. The speaker had a brilliant two-point plan for reformation:
1) Kidnap the princess.
2) (To Be Announced)
Surely this Bowser is a revolutionary … Read More
Incredibly Awesome Explosion Leaves 30 Dead, 60 Highly Entertained
Tragedy struck Berkeley this week when a big rig truck carrying petroleum crashed into a firearms factory that happened to be celebrating Chinese New Year. Over twenty employees were killed instantly by the panoply of explosions that followed, and an … Read More
Pie Most Venomous
It is a mighty testament to the flexibility of my character that I have agreed to publish in this sordid periodical, which is produced by a particularly degenerate cluster of Hebrews, sodomites, and sour-tongued atheists who imbibe spirits at a … Read More
