- I Get A Kick Out Of Glue
- They Can’t Toke That Away From Me
- That’s Crack-Whore-Ay
- Too Dosed For Comfort
- (Dancing) Tweak to Tweak
- I’ve Shot You Under My Skin
- It Was A Very Good Beer
- Have Yourself A Merry
Author Archives: The Squelch
So You’re Going to Hell
Lead a life of debauchery? Sinned against nature? Rejected the legitimacy of your one/multiple true God/gods? Use this handy reference to see just what you ought to expect.
Catholicism
What Your Hell is Like: Not as grandiose or visually … Read More
The Carnie Life
Every now and then I find myself thinking, “Max, what if carnies were real people? Where would they go? What would they do?” As it turns out, this summer I had the distinct displeasure of working at the Santa Cruz … Read More
Words From the Top
18 Candles
There comes a time in every man’s life when he reaches a sacred right of passage, and the lessons he has learned congeal into a thick grease of responsibility and maturity. Before that, though, he turns 18 and goes to … Read More
Movie Bombs Without Critical Cereal-Box Advertising
Wacky, Sass-Talking Animals, the latest computer-animated children’s film about wacky, sass-talking animals, was a big disappointment at the box office, and the studio knows exactly what went wrong: a lack of advertisements on cereal boxes.
“It was … Read More
Gotham City Inexplicably Approves Clown-Themed Nightclub
In a move described by commentators as “moronic” and “unbelievably short-sighted”, the Gotham City Zoning Board yesterday approved plans for “Punchinello”, a new nightclub with an incredibly ill-conceived clown motif. Construction is to begin next month, defying the very … Read More
A Cult of Your Very Own!
In these uncertain times, when the world is changing too rapidly to keep track of and society seems just one more Hulk Hogan-themed reality show away from collapsing into utter chaos, many people will look anywhere for stability and … Read More
Ask Miss Methiquette
Dear Miss Methiquette,
No matter what I try, my common-law husband always takes more than his fair share of meth. He says that because he’s bigger, he requires more to get high, but according to our police records we both … Read More
Rumspringa
During the period known as “Rumspringa,” Amish youth are permitted to leave their insular communities and explore the world of the modern American teenager. Most return to be baptized, but a slim minority chooses to stay in the high-fat, high-octane … Read More
Google Researches New Ways to Invade Privacy
No longer content to just have better access to your personal information than you do, Google is stepping up research into new ways to invade your privacy. The research’s main focus is invading the privacy of your own home.… Read More
