- You’re smiling all the time in
Frownytown - You’re in Tomorrowland, but you were looking for Superman: The Ride
- You have a star on your sleeve, but everyone else has no star
- You’re a Who, and you ended up in
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Alternative Names for Military Campaign
- Operation Let’s Not Hit Another Goddamn Embassy
- Operation I Slam, You Slam, We All Slam Islam
- Great American Smoke-Out
- Fruit Bars & Cluster Bombs
- Operation Noble But Conflicted Eagle
- Operation Towel Whip
- Operation Last Crusade
- Iran’s Warning Shot
- Smackdown!
- Muslim
Top Ten Catholic TV Shows
- X-communication Files
- Really Big Family Ties
- Growing Pains in My Side After Being Speared
- Cardinals of Hazzard
- Golden Grails
- Calvary Hillbillies
- Full Mass
- Who’s on the Cross?
- She’s the Pope
- Who’s the Pope?
Top Ten Ways to Organize a Group Hug
- Misinterpret the huddle
- Poison people, tell them only antidote is hugging
- Spend $300,000 on One Campus initiative
- Alphabetically
- Join a sorority
- eVite
- Flail arms on crowded BART train
- Cast Robin Williams
- Get drunk and break down in front of your
Top Ten Wild Animals
-
Spring Break Stegosaur
-
Rabid Christmas Puppy
- Hoopla-potamus
- Safari Hamster
- Gay Bunny
- Kamikaze Calimari
- Free-Range Chicken
- Wilde-B33$t
- Buckaroo Duck
- Cowboy Bear
Top Ten Farewell Gifts for Tom Holmoe
- Amnesia
- Undying hate of Cal football fans
- The last five years of his life back
- 30-second video of team highlights (1997-2001)
- A bunch of sorority girls to say “Oh, but you’re such a nice guy.”
- Touchdown-throwing mule
- Jar to hold
Bad Dreams Afoot
A left foot fell asleep after a few minutes resting in an awkward position beneath the right lower thigh. The foot reveled in dreams of being the right foot, kicking soccer balls, taking the first step, and fondling other naked … Read More
Hair Down Where?
As I took a shower this morning and began washing under my arms, I regarded my armpit hair in a way that I had not done when I was an eight year-old. This is because I did not have any … Read More
Afghans Inadvertently Observe Ramadan
Clerics in Kabul report that nearly 100% of the citizens of Afghanistan are strictly observing the fast of Ramadan. The ninth month of the Muslim calendar, Ramadan is the time in which Muslims fast during daylight hours. Afghan citizens have … Read More
Flag Count Dangerously Low, Warns Pentagon
According to a recent study conducted by the Pentagon, the number of American flags currently displayed in the United States is “dangerously” low. The 42 page report indicated that only 37% of all households and 56% of all businesses have … Read More
