Top Ten Worst Things to Hear During Sex

  1. “Yeah, this is pretty good. I guess.”
  2. “Perforated condoms really let my dick breathe.”
  3. “Not only am I underage, I’m also a cop.”
  4. “It’s okay, I can’t get pregnant; I’m a man.”
  5. “They’re both stuck.”
  6. “It’s stuck.”
  7. “This is a lot better than that video I saw in Health class … today.”
  8. “I’m going back for my Rolex.”
  9. “Daddy, stop hurting Mommy.”
  10. “My diaphragm broke. No, the one I breathe with.”