- Sit on the ASUC steps during school time and mope
- Wear a really ugly hat
- Make smoking gestures and blow in the cool night air
- Clip on bellybutton ring
- Dye your hair yellow/orange
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- “Mmmm… ohhh… mmmm… do it baby…”
- “Would you like to go to Bible study?”
- “No. You really don’t want that class. Oh, no!“
- “Aquarius: You will enter into a long-term commitment today. Assess your strengths and wea
- “Your registration
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- Nirvana – “’Smells Like Teen Spirit’ Remixes”
- Snoop Doggy Dogg – “Hooked on Phonics”
- Madonna – “Dining In, Eating Out”
- Garth Brooks – “Garth Garth Baby”
- Michael Jackson – “This One’s for the Children”
- Techno Rave Masters – “Unplugged”
- Hammer
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- Bob Dole says so.
- Olympic figure skaters wear full body armor to practice.
- Kindergartners outgun their teachers in New York public schools.
- New Kids on the Block concerts sell out due to guns-for-tickets
swap.
- Disneyworld attendance in Florida drops .01%
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- Any girl who is “not feeling fresh today”
- The Energizer Bunny
- Larry H. Parker
- The Magnavox dog
- Sally Struthers trying to persuade people to feed the children
- The Pizza Hut Bigfoot delivery dork
- Russ from the Lake Edna KFC
- The
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- Gyne-Lotrimin
- Ben-Gay
- Preparation H
- KY Jelly
- Clearasil
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- “You know, doggie style isn’t passe
anymore.”
- “I’d love to share some of my bodily
fluids with you.”
- “I know a charming little motel with a
cheap hourly rate.”
- “My friend and I made a bet and I need
to
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- Wild Sex
- We might reveal mystic secrets about our name
- Nothing illegal involved (except with printing, marketing, and distribution)
- Provides necessary qualifications for vice-presidency
- Editors won’t kill you for missed deadlines (bylaws limit them to maiming)
- We know a cheap
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- “What’s that horrible stench?”
- “That’s it. I’m an atheist.”
- “What did I ever do to you?”
- “Why do you always say such
disgusting things?”
- “Oh, great. Now I have to kill myself.”
- “But what about that D-, professor?
- “I’d go
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- Convince other passengers that flight crew members are all evil robots
- Offer to pop people’s ears with your tongue
- Scream that you see Rod Serling on the wing
- Complain that there is not enough room on trays to play with
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