- Bob Dole says so.
- Olympic figure skaters wear full body armor to practice.
- Kindergartners outgun their teachers in New York public schools.
- New Kids on the Block concerts sell out due to guns-for-tickets
swap.
- Disneyworld attendance in Florida drops .01%
… Read More
- Any girl who is “not feeling fresh today”
- The Energizer Bunny
- Larry H. Parker
- The Magnavox dog
- Sally Struthers trying to persuade people to feed the children
- The Pizza Hut Bigfoot delivery dork
- Russ from the Lake Edna KFC
- The
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- Gyne-Lotrimin
- Ben-Gay
- Preparation H
- KY Jelly
- Clearasil
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- Write a goofy book about the future, but make everything vague
- Watch Seinfeld reruns when they were new
- Bring back aluminum cans used before recycling was invented and get
rich (Yahoo!)
- Return to the good ol’ days of love and
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- Breathing heavily but you’re the one having a baby
- Asks you to turn your head and hiccup
- Keeps telling you how many merit badges you’re earning
- He’s fondling them with his rectum
- What are the chances the other person in
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- Stay home
- Ride RTD buses (who are we kidding?).
- Transporter beam
- Personal helicopter
- Commute once a week instead of daily
- Telecommute
- Take the Red Line subway (all 3 miles of it!)
- Take the Metrolink and relax in comfort and style
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- Angst and Alienation To Go
- Cafe Spam Delight
- Pseudo Intellectual Espresso
- Cafe Obnoxio
- Mocha n’ Grits
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- “How does it feel being the nation’s biggest joke?”
- “This ‘New World Order’ is your secret plan to take over the universe, isn’t it?”
- “Quick– how many houses of congress
are there?”
- “Do you feel that cabinet members are envious
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- What if all these homeless people are
Berkeley graduates?
- What if my senior thesis is politically
incorrect?
- Am I supposed to think “Sylvia” is
funny?
- What if tie-dyes go out of style?
- What if I have an acid flashback during
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- Examathon
- Power flunk
- Deorgasm
- Pukemonger
- Supraflatulence
- Churl finger
- Hellarific
- Unphlegm
- Detenurize
- Snidelicious
… Read More
