- “Can we have donuts at the meetings like the Squelch does? And hookers, too!”
- “I’m feeling very representative today.”
- “All right, I’m drunk. Let’s get started.”
- “I move…my bowels. Oops!”
- “Of course they’ll come. We’ve got Kennedy!”
- Monkey noises
- “I
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- You’re not.
- Courtney is a cheap water polo whore.
- You’re looking for the next insult, Courtney.
- It turns you on.
- You’re not in the Greek System.
- Hooked on phonics worked for you.
- The guy who draws “Lemont Brown” has writer’s
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- Junkie: Chipmunk with track marks in all his cute wille fuzzy-wuzzy radial artery
- Chippy: Chigger with authentic skin-burrowing pincers
- Mangy: Half-starved Telegraph black Labrador
- Clampy: Lamprey that attaches to other toys and sucks their blood
- Breathless: Fetal pig in jar
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- The Terrified Croatian
- Disco
- The Uncontrolled Bladder
- The Grand Jury Jive
- The Sorority Girl Split
- Rhombus Dancing
- Hide the Stain
- The Dislocated Shoulder
- The Gettysburgh
- Walk with an Erection
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- Lisa Sucks. I Hate Lisa. Let’s Kill Lisa.
- Zach Morris Sucks My Ass
- Kelly Kapowski Bangs the Entire Cast of 90210
- Slater, Texas Ranger
- The Elizabeth Berkeley Full-Frontal Nudity Half Hour
- Saved by Yoshua
- Saved by “Ctrl+S”
- Worthless, Mind-Rotting Crap
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- Kick the ball through the invisible goal posts just to the right of the visible ones
- Jump, Jive, and Wail
- Fuck up Lucy’s shit
- Cunnilingus
- Pick his nose
- Break Dance
- Play Starcraft (with his toes!)
- Binge drink
- Jacks
- Racquetball
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- All the benefits of bulimia without staining your teeth.
- No need for leeches.
- A tapeworm is man’s second best friend.
- If you’re Jewish, you can eat pork.
- Cheaper than getting reamed.
- Tapeworms are recordable, unlike CD worms.
- Not as bad
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- Scratch ‘n sniff Cal offensive line
- Origami
- Always QuickWrap<sup>TM</sup>
- CalPIRG rant
- Turkey sandwich (mmmmmm….)
- Place to wipe boogers
- MCAT answers
- More “No Exit” cartoons
- Stolen credit card numbers
- Doodle square
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- Polyphetus
- Saddest Motherfucker Alive
- The Fine-Ass Cal Cheerleader
- The Sascrotch
- The Peg-your-sis
- Medusa Oblongata
- The Sphinxter
- The Centard
- The Eunuchorn
- The Leperchaun
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- Huey Foot-Long
- Sinatra Frank
- Snoop Dog
- Cute Little Baby Harp Seal
- Olestra Dog (with extra anal leakage)
- 1 Can’t Believe it’s Not Top Dog
- Snausages
- Irish Terrier
- Lewinsky-wurst (with filling)
- Pig Intestine Stuffed with Snouts-n-Hooves
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