Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Thanksgiving

  1. Gratify yourself at the kids’ table.
  2. Paint eggs and hide them.
  3. Get a keg and hire the Spin Doctors.
  4. Blow all your money on Quaker prostitutes
  5. Say “You’re welcome.”
  6. Stuff Grandma.
  7. Think about stuff that sucks and how it could be better.
  8. Fist a “Pumpkin”.
  9. Stuff the turkey.
  10. Kill some Injuns.