- Play That Funky Music Al Gore
- Johnny B. Partisan
- Smells Like The Contract With America
- I Just Called To Say I.O.U.
- Majority Whip It
- One Hand In My Pocket Veto
- Chapel of Love, Where Love Is Defined Explicitly as Being
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Ten Uses For A Vacuum
- Spay dog (you can suck the uterus right out of there)
- Turn innie into outie (for a brief period of time)
- In-home angioplasties
- Climb up side of building (requires two vacuums)
- Save money on shampoo
- Give self hickey; watch popularity
Top Ten Ways For the ASUC to Improve Its Image
- Cyborgs!
- Return the Lindbergh baby
- Airlift supplies to Berlin
- More school dances that remind us of our awkward teenage years
- Take down the Confederate flag from atop Eshleman Hall
- Give students excursion passes to the Land of Chocolate
- Send a
Top Three Things Most Commonly Heard While Exiting High-Tech Burrito
- What just happened?
- Huh?
- I’d hate to see a low-tech burrito.
Top Ten Boring Led Zeppelin Songs
- 30% Chance of Rain Song
- Six and a Half Minutes Gone
- Houses of the Upper Middle Class
- Going to Delaware
- Misty Mountain Polka
- When my Shoelace Breaks
- The Compromise of Evermore
- Stairway to Upstairs
- Fair Amount of Love
- Wool
Top Ten Alternate Endings For The Alphabet Song
- FIN
- 10 minutes of, “Naaaa na-na na-na, nana nanaaaa…”
- Can I go now officer?
- Big bird, get your finger out of my ass.
- Oh yeah! I’m going to cum! Oh yeah!
- Here’s your Ethnic Studies Degree.
- Bee-otch.
- Second verse, same
Top Ten Slumber Party Activities
- Mime contest (naked)
- Crosswords
- Naked theoretical lesbian sex
- Naked experimental lesbian sex
- Naked watching TV
- Naked cooking
- Naked pillow fight
- Naked Twister
- Who can keep their tongue in someone else’s mouth the longest?
- Prank calling cute boys and getting arrested
Top Ten Ways to Stop Someone Committing Suicide
- Evict him from the I-House
- Steal all of his salt so he’ll get a goiter and then the noose won’t fit him
- Just find another box of Corn Pops
- Convince him that regicide is much cooler
- Replace his razor blades
Top Ten Pornographic Dairy Products
-
Head cheese
-
Non-Dairy creamer
- I Can’t Believe It’s Not a Pornographic Dairy Product
- Land O’ Ass
- Whip n’ cream
- Jizz Whiz
- Bestiality cheese
- Mount-her-rey Jack
- Country Crotch
- Frottage cheese
Top Ten Totalitarian Restaurants
-
T.G.I.F. (Thank God It's Fascist)
 -
Worker Unit Food Distribution 
Vestibule
- Benito Burger
- Che Panisse
- Karl’s Jr.
- Burger Absolute Monarch
- Totalitarian Akbar’s Totalitarian Bar and Grill
- Schlotsky’s East Bloc Russian Restaurant
- Steve’s North Korean BBQ
- Fascist Slice
