Top Ten Ways For the ASUC to Improve Its Image

  1. Cyborgs!
  2. Return the Lindbergh baby
  3. Airlift supplies to Berlin
  4. More school dances that remind us of our awkward teenage years
  5. Take down the Confederate flag from atop Eshleman Hall
  6. Give students excursion passes to the Land of Chocolate
  7. Send a never-ending stream of self-congratulatory letters to the Daily Cal
  8. Declare war on Laney College
  9. Convert the seventh floor of Eshleman into a sinful garden of delight
  10. Choose an acronym that doesn’t involve the word “suck.”