Captain Chuckles, a professional clown and children’s entertainer, was found this week to be a happy person, and so far the community of postmodern ironic tragico-absurdist pundits has reacted with utter confusion.
The Newark, New Jersey-area clown was pronounced earlier … Read More
Upon arriving at the La Loma Dormitory, 18-year-old Freshman Joseph Whittaker learned the terrible secret of all who would dwell within its walls. Explained his RA, “All freshman males in La Loma and Hillside must preserve their penises in a … Read More
In a violent display of proletariat rage, members of the Berkeley chapter of the radical Socialist group the Spartacus League publicly smashed a floral-themed glass vase yesterday on Market Street in San Francisco. The vase, according to a demonstration leader … Read More
Researchers at the Pi Kappa Alpha Institute have put out an open call for test subjects to participate in a groundbreaking experiment on human sexuality. Citing a recent lack of “hot poonar”, the scientists have taken it upon themselves to … Read More
But don’t you tell anybody, okay?… Read More
_Fact of life: we all went through our sullen, withdrawn phases sometime in our teenage years. Some may deny it, but they will only turn out to be bitter alcoholics that quietly seethe about marrying young and taking a job … Read More
Last week a suit was filed in federal court charging God with two charges of giving life to absolute fucking idiots. The two people in question are Gregory Rhymes and Tanya Ellington, the teenagers who recently brought a lawsuit against … Read More
Whenever I’m feeling down, I like to boost my self-esteem by comparing myself to other people. Perhaps that’s why I like alcoholics, the elderly, and people who play Counterstrike. Recently, however, I chose someone who would prove to be a … Read More
When: 491 B.C. to 412 B.C. However, doubts have recently been cast upon these dates by an excavation in Northern Greece and the fact that I’m just making shit up.
Where: See title of fight, tough guy.… Read More
6:50 pm: This sucks. Where’s the rest of the crew? Tim Dog was supposed to show up 2 hours ago with Bob Cat, Gerbil John, and a case of brew. What the shit is this? It’s cold, getting dark, and … Read More
