The Daily Californian, UC Berkeley’s strangely eerie student-run newspaper, stunned the campus community earlier this week with an unexpected announcement. “We have long called the Daily Californian UC Berkeley’s student-run newspaper,” began the official spokesperson. “After much thought and deliberation, … Read More
Tag Archives: Jason N. Rosenbaum
How to Be a Misanthrope
On the Berkeley campus, it’s hard to be a misanthrope. Everyone is constantly accosting you. It became clear about twelve minutes into my tenure at Berkeley that it was going to be mighty difficult to get people to leave me … Read More
The X-Files
A liberal dose of terror
SCENE 1: Telegraph ave. – day > “Berkeley, California / April 28, 1998 / 7:42 AM” appears at the bottom of the screen. Mulder and Scully are seen walking up Telegraph Avenue, toward campus, an eerie fog parting behind them. … Read More
A Few Parting Words from the Top of the Bottom
As I approach the end of my college career, I’ve managed to achieve a certain sense of clarity. I don’t know why, exactly. I’d like to think that it’s because I’m maturing and learning as I age. I’d like to … Read More
Fraternity/Sorority Operational Manual, Pg. 27
How to Talk to a Rushee
One of the most important activities any house can undertake during a semester is rushing. This is the time where the house brings new rubes chumps meat members into the fold. This allows the house to pilfer more money expand … Read More
A Phylogenic Analysis of Cheerios
I. Introduction
In recent years, biologists have been stunned by the explosive radiation of forms of the popular breakfast cereal, Cheerios. The sudden arrival of new varieties has offered strong support for a punctuated equilibrium model of breakfast cereal evolution. … Read More
A Few Words from the Top
I like the English language. I really do. It’s nice to not have to worry about umlauts, or having the letters “c” and “z” right next to each other, or making phlegmy sounds like you’re about to do an impression … Read More
Ode to Stanfurd
There once was a student
Who went to ‘The Farm,’
A grievous decision
That caused him great harm.
In high school, you see,
This student was fine
‘Till goin to Stanford
Verschnickered his mind.
The first day of school
He … Read More
An Opposing Viewpoint
Some of our readership may have noticed that the Squelch does not look fondly upon the Greek system (The Squelch doesn’t look fondly upon a lot of other things either; DC food and Alex Weingarten come to mind- and incidentally … Read More
History of Valentine’s Day
The Heretofore Unrevealed (and Mighty Interesting)
Many believe that they are already privy to the origin of Valentine’s Day. Although the traditional story of Saint Valentine has its truthful elements, it is by no means the entire story.
The origin of Valentine’s Day is ancient: it … Read More
