Here at the Squelch we understand that we have a responsibility to provide the Berkeley community with biased, fragmented political coverage. To demonstrate our commitment to that goal, we have attained copies of the national budgets proposed by various political … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Love My Way
or How to Seduce Someone without Really Trying
Being the seducer rather than the seducee is a hard transition to make. And if you’re at the food-wine-soft-candlelight-Barry-White-album- lock-your-roommate-out stage, then you basically need no help. Like the poisonous black mamba snake, you’ve learned how to lure your unsuspecting … Read More
Columns are Stupid
In a brief, easy to swallow piece of writing, I have to be either really funny or really perceptive, and I have to keep things interesting enough and short enough to hold the attention of the shallow, vacuous reader, who … Read More
History of Valentine’s Day
The Heretofore Unrevealed (and Mighty Interesting)
Many believe that they are already privy to the origin of Valentine’s Day. Although the traditional story of Saint Valentine has its truthful elements, it is by no means the entire story.
The origin of Valentine’s Day is ancient: it … Read More
Eat Shit & Live
An Editorial
Seeing as I’ve just broken up with my longtime girlfriend, 2 years, 8 months, 12 days, (but who’s counting?) it only makes sense that I should welcome our readership to the “Day After Valentine’s Day” issue/installment/docudrama of the Squelch. Ordinarily … Read More
E-mail addresses
The information superhighway is exploding like an unchecked zit. Within the next 2 years, demands on the Berkeley LAN will necessitate UCLink27. With this in mind, and also understanding that a lot of those new e-mail account owners often feel … Read More
Eat Drink Man Woman
Hilbert Muntermeyer was a frustrated man. He had been determined to open his own restaurant since his matriculation into the Des Moines satellite campus of the California Culinary Academy, but was unable to come up with an original idea for … Read More
Da, Comrade!
Commies, as we all know, are brainwashed humanoids dressed in drab- colored clothing, usually quickly eradicated in the name of democracy. Democruds and Republicraps need to be rounded up and shaped into harmless fruity Jell-O molds and given to a … Read More
The True-Life Adventures of Sherri
Misunderstood Repressed Post Sorority Girl
Understand that a sorority girl is a person, with, like, ya know, feelings. Hath not a Tri-Delt eyes? If you prick her, does she not bleed? If she drinks bad Keystone, does she not spew? Here’s what really happens in … Read More
Stressed?
In the aerospace industry, the measurement of stress is a high priority objective. In light of endless manhours devoted to this research it may seem surprising that there are no effective human stress scales available commercially. But this exciting field … Read More
