Many believe that they are already privy to the origin of Valentine’s Day. Although the traditional story of Saint Valentine has its truthful elements, it is by no means the entire story.
The origin of Valentine’s Day is ancient: it … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Eat Shit & Live
An Editorial
Seeing as I’ve just broken up with my longtime girlfriend, 2 years, 8 months, 12 days, (but who’s counting?) it only makes sense that I should welcome our readership to the “Day After Valentine’s Day” issue/installment/docudrama of the Squelch. Ordinarily … Read More
E-mail addresses
The information superhighway is exploding like an unchecked zit. Within the next 2 years, demands on the Berkeley LAN will necessitate UCLink27. With this in mind, and also understanding that a lot of those new e-mail account owners often feel … Read More
Eat Drink Man Woman
Hilbert Muntermeyer was a frustrated man. He had been determined to open his own restaurant since his matriculation into the Des Moines satellite campus of the California Culinary Academy, but was unable to come up with an original idea for … Read More
The Squelch Video Guide
Now that your Valentine’s Day date has already dumped you, you’re going to be spending a lot of long nights alone. Why not alleviate that boredom with a trip to the video store? Here are some lesser known films that … Read More
Application for THE REAL WORLD
in Butte, Montana
Please complete all requested information. Use ink and print. (In American, por favor).
General Information
Name:____________________________
Age: ____ Sex:_____
SS#: _–-____ Measurements: –-__
Zodiac Sign: ________
Questionnaire Answer on separate sheet; no cocktail napkins, please.
- What type
Rim Antics
Expose of the Men’s Basketball Team
During the recent spate of games known as this year’s basketball season, it has become painfully apparent that our men’s team couldn’t shoot freethrows to save their Telebear dates much less to win a damn game, conference or non. Now, … Read More
The Epistle of St. Mark the Second
1:13 pm — The Meaning of the Apocalypse
The Lord God saith unto me, “Mark, that was a hell of an apocalypse, eh?”
And I replieth unto him, “You’re telling me. What was that all about?” And the Lord threw down before me a stick of incense and … Read More
Like, uh, Finals and Stuff
Once again, finals season is upon us. Perhaps this is your first, and you’re wondering, “How the heck am I going to get through these damn things with passing grades and all?” Perhaps this is your last round of finals, … Read More
Are You White Trash?
Please answer the appropriate questions below with yes, no, or your favorite singer from the Grand Ole Opry.
Those who qualify as white trash will receive a lifetime subscription to The Star and the coffee table book “The Price is … Read More
