Dear Editors,
You guys should hand out by Strawberry Creek more often. It’d do you some good.
Peacefully,
H.D. Thoreau
Dear Editors,
Sorry.
–Jason Kidd
P.S. Oh, by the way, I’m outta here.
Dear Editors,
Heaven’s great! All the fried … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Ask Buffy
Buffy is not a licensed therapist, but she is a psychology major and a member of UC Berkeley’s Chi Omega Sorority. She also likes teddy bears.
Dear Buffy,
During my time in college I have been sexually active with a … Read More
Biased, Fragmented Political Coverage
Here at the Squelch we understand that we have a responsibility to provide the Berkeley community with biased, fragmented political coverage. To demonstrate our commitment to that goal, we have attained copies of the national budgets proposed by various political … Read More
Love My Way
or How to Seduce Someone without Really Trying
Being the seducer rather than the seducee is a hard transition to make. And if you’re at the food-wine-soft-candlelight-Barry-White-album- lock-your-roommate-out stage, then you basically need no help. Like the poisonous black mamba snake, you’ve learned how to lure your unsuspecting … Read More
Columns are Stupid
In a brief, easy to swallow piece of writing, I have to be either really funny or really perceptive, and I have to keep things interesting enough and short enough to hold the attention of the shallow, vacuous reader, who … Read More
History of Valentine’s Day
The Heretofore Unrevealed (and Mighty Interesting)
Many believe that they are already privy to the origin of Valentine’s Day. Although the traditional story of Saint Valentine has its truthful elements, it is by no means the entire story.
The origin of Valentine’s Day is ancient: it … Read More
Eat Shit & Live
An Editorial
Seeing as I’ve just broken up with my longtime girlfriend, 2 years, 8 months, 12 days, (but who’s counting?) it only makes sense that I should welcome our readership to the “Day After Valentine’s Day” issue/installment/docudrama of the Squelch. Ordinarily … Read More
Squelch-cipies
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Oppress women and minorities. Gently stir in exploitation of the working class, adding manipulation of the world money supply in small amounts. Bake in prospering community for 10 years, then remove to leave vicinity in shambles. (Serves the interests of
Ramble on…
— Publius
So why didn’t I vote? Hell everybody knows that the election’s already decided by the time California votes.
A man enters the bathroom, he shudders, for he has just realized the incredible challenge that now confronts him. He and his … Read More
Da, Comrade!
Commies, as we all know, are brainwashed humanoids dressed in drab- colored clothing, usually quickly eradicated in the name of democracy. Democruds and Republicraps need to be rounded up and shaped into harmless fruity Jell-O molds and given to a … Read More
