Please complete all requested information. Use ink and print. (In American, por favor).
General Information
Name:____________________________
Age: ____ Sex:_____
SS#: _–-____ Measurements: –-__
Zodiac Sign: ________
Questionnaire Answer on separate sheet; no cocktail napkins, please.
During the recent spate of games known as this year’s basketball season, it has become painfully apparent that our men’s team couldn’t shoot freethrows to save their Telebear dates much less to win a damn game, conference or non. Now, … Read More
Dear Editors,
You guys should hand out by Strawberry Creek more often. It’d do you some good.
Peacefully,
H.D. Thoreau
Dear Editors,
Sorry.
–Jason Kidd
P.S. Oh, by the way, I’m outta here.
Dear Editors,
Heaven’s great! All the fried … Read More
Buffy is not a licensed therapist, but she is a psychology major and a member of UC Berkeley’s Chi Omega Sorority. She also likes teddy bears.
Dear Buffy,
During my time in college I have been sexually active with a … Read More
Here at the Squelch we understand that we have a responsibility to provide the Berkeley community with biased, fragmented political coverage. To demonstrate our commitment to that goal, we have attained copies of the national budgets proposed by various political … Read More
Being the seducer rather than the seducee is a hard transition to make. And if you’re at the food-wine-soft-candlelight-Barry-White-album- lock-your-roommate-out stage, then you basically need no help. Like the poisonous black mamba snake, you’ve learned how to lure your unsuspecting … Read More
In a brief, easy to swallow piece of writing, I have to be either really funny or really perceptive, and I have to keep things interesting enough and short enough to hold the attention of the shallow, vacuous reader, who … Read More
Once again, finals season is upon us. Perhaps this is your first, and you’re wondering, “How the heck am I going to get through these damn things with passing grades and all?” Perhaps this is your last round of finals, … Read More
Please answer the appropriate questions below with yes, no, or your favorite singer from the Grand Ole Opry.
Those who qualify as white trash will receive a lifetime subscription to The Star and the coffee table book “The Price is … Read More
Oppress women and minorities. Gently stir in exploitation of the working class, adding manipulation of the world money supply in small amounts. Bake in prospering community for 10 years, then remove to leave vicinity in shambles. (Serves the interests of
