In a brief, easy to swallow piece of writing, I have to be either really funny or really perceptive, and I have to keep things interesting enough and short enough to hold the attention of the shallow, vacuous reader, who … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
History of Valentine’s Day
The Heretofore Unrevealed (and Mighty Interesting)
Many believe that they are already privy to the origin of Valentine’s Day. Although the traditional story of Saint Valentine has its truthful elements, it is by no means the entire story.
The origin of Valentine’s Day is ancient: it … Read More
Eat Shit & Live
An Editorial
Seeing as I’ve just broken up with my longtime girlfriend, 2 years, 8 months, 12 days, (but who’s counting?) it only makes sense that I should welcome our readership to the “Day After Valentine’s Day” issue/installment/docudrama of the Squelch. Ordinarily … Read More
E-mail addresses
The information superhighway is exploding like an unchecked zit. Within the next 2 years, demands on the Berkeley LAN will necessitate UCLink27. With this in mind, and also understanding that a lot of those new e-mail account owners often feel … Read More
Eat Drink Man Woman
Hilbert Muntermeyer was a frustrated man. He had been determined to open his own restaurant since his matriculation into the Des Moines satellite campus of the California Culinary Academy, but was unable to come up with an original idea for … Read More
The Squelch Video Guide
Now that your Valentine’s Day date has already dumped you, you’re going to be spending a lot of long nights alone. Why not alleviate that boredom with a trip to the video store? Here are some lesser known films that … Read More
Application for THE REAL WORLD
in Butte, Montana
Please complete all requested information. Use ink and print. (In American, por favor).
General Information
Name:____________________________
Age: ____ Sex:_____
SS#: _–-____ Measurements: –-__
Zodiac Sign: ________
Questionnaire Answer on separate sheet; no cocktail napkins, please.
- What type
Stressed?
In the aerospace industry, the measurement of stress is a high priority objective. In light of endless manhours devoted to this research it may seem surprising that there are no effective human stress scales available commercially. But this exciting field … Read More
Editor’s Column
If I was the Sun, I’d look for shade.
If I was a bed, I would stay unmade.
If I was a river, I’d run uphill.
You call me, you know I will.
— Grateful Dead
In case you’re wondering, … Read More
Guide to Berkeley Coffee Houses
Although Seattle is known as the city of java, I found out recently that the Venezuelan Immigration Commission rated Berkeley coffee houses as number one in service, espresso potency, and pseudo-intellectual conversation content. I was proud to take the time … Read More
