Washington, D.C., Nutritional Science researches at FDA headquarters have officially released their most recent findings. The scientists have conclusively determined that Bologna is made of You-don’t-wanna-know. Bologna, which American youngsters aged 3 – 8 consumed at a rate of some … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Tien Tremulous
California Governor Pete Wilson has coyly sidestepped the “big question” of whether he will run as a Republican contender for the 1996 Presidential election – until now. Wilson will formally announce his candidacy next Monday, as well as reveal an … Read More
Top Ten Alternative Names for Valentine’s Day
- Vaseline’s Day
- Love – is – temporary – but – STDs – are – forever Day
- Relent – to – his – request – for – anal – sex Day
- There’s – good – reasons – why – you’re –
Top Ten Things to Do After Giving Head
- Swallow.
- Look in the mirror and say, “Gee, I’m a glazed donut!”.
- Introduce yourself.
- Exit restroom, return to class.
- Tell the officer that it will never happen again.
- Make sure not to leave until letter of recommendation is signed.
- Return
Top Ten Pornos from Antiquity
- Odysseus & the Trojan Whores
- Julius Seize Her
- Gluteus Maximus
- I, Clitoris
- E pluribus unum
- Colossus of Rhodes
- The River Dyx
- Bent Her
- Et tu Boote?
- Oedipus Sex
Top Ten Homosexualized TV Shows
- Gay Watch
- The Fresh Queen of Bel Air
- Seinfelch
- Squirt Me Brown
- Bosom Buddies
- Lickit Fences
- Sisters
- Back Door Exposure
- Male Models Inc.
- Serving in Silence
Top Ten Rejected Names For Upcoming Green Day Album
- Sgt. Billie Joe’s Half-Hearted Futile Sophomore Effort
- Needles Ripped My Flesh
- We’re Rich Now But We Still Dress Like Shit.
- Subverting the Dominant Paradigm – Live!
- Exile On Heroin Addiction Street
- Music To Pierce By
- Our Hair Looks Funny
- Life
Top Ten Rejected Smurfs Characters
- Rabbi Smurf
- Disgruntled Artist Smurf
- Foreign Exchange SmYrf
- Lactose Intolerant Smurf
- Nation of Islam Smurf
- Oprahmel
- Inbred Smurf
- Illiterate Smerf
- Existentialist Smurf?
- HIV+ Smurf
Top Ten Failed Business Ventures
- The Heuristic Squelch
- Kipp’s Microbrewery
- Daily Cal
- Newman’s Own Colostomy Bag
- East Germany
- Major League Baseball
- Jason Kidd Condoms
- Grateful Dead Soap Co.
- Berkeley Free Clinic
- Tel Aviv Top Dog
Top Ten Words Not To Use On Your Resume
- Der Weinerschnitzell
- Pending appeal
- Performed abortions
- Democrat
- Prozac ™
- Infected
- Cunnilingus
- Goat fetish
- Conviction
- Stupid-jerk-boss
