Author Archives: The Squelch

Volume 6- Issue 4

Political Thang

December 1, 1995
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Berkeley has a long history of civil disobedience and political activism, and it is a shame that some students should be deprived of taking part in proud tradition merely because there is no cause which they feel strongly about. In … Read More

Volume 6- Issue 3

Omelet, Prince of Denny’s

A Tragedy in Two Cracks

November 1, 1995
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Enter Omelet and Omelet’s Father, a Ghostly Rooster, painted and stuck about with Tongues

Ghost : Be thou aware, Omelet, there is treachery and salmonella afoot.

Omelet : Who art thou, that wandr’st thus amongst my spatulas? Be thou a … Read More

Volume 6- Issue 3

Cliffs Notes: Gin & Juice

November 1, 1995
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THESE NOTES ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE ACTUAL SONG OR DISCUSSIONS WITH FELLOW MARGINAL HIPSTERS. STUDENTS WHO ATTEMPT TO USE THEM IN THIS WAY ARE NOT ONLY DENYING THEMSELVES THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING INDOCTRINATED BY CORPORATE MUSIC COMPANIES, BUT … Read More

Volume 6- Issue 2

New Boyscout Merit Badges

October 1, 1995

Badges?-A!we don’t need no stinking badges! Because we’re no stinking boyscouts. But if we were, these might be some of the merit badges we could strive for:

ALIEN MERIT BADGE

  • Abduct human captive and probe them. Successfully drop them back
… Read More
Volume 5- Issue 5

The Meaning of Humor

May 1, 1995
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Humor affects us all. You wouldn’t be where you are today (sitting there, reading the Squelch, your interest waning) without it. The primary definition of humor given in Webster’s Dictionary is “a normal functioning bodily semifluid or fluid (as the … Read More

Volume 5- Issue 4

Tien Tremulous

February 1, 1995

California Governor Pete Wilson has coyly sidestepped the “big question” of whether he will run as a Republican contender for the 1996 Presidential election – until now. Wilson will formally announce his candidacy next Monday, as well as reveal an … Read More