Berkeley has a long history of civil disobedience and political activism, and it is a shame that some students should be deprived of taking part in proud tradition merely because there is no cause which they feel strongly about. In … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Omelet, Prince of Denny’s
A Tragedy in Two Cracks
Enter Omelet and Omelet’s Father, a Ghostly Rooster, painted and stuck about with Tongues
Ghost : Be thou aware, Omelet, there is treachery and salmonella afoot.
Omelet : Who art thou, that wandr’st thus amongst my spatulas? Be thou a … Read More
Cliffs Notes: Gin & Juice
THESE NOTES ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE ACTUAL SONG OR DISCUSSIONS WITH FELLOW MARGINAL HIPSTERS. STUDENTS WHO ATTEMPT TO USE THEM IN THIS WAY ARE NOT ONLY DENYING THEMSELVES THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING INDOCTRINATED BY CORPORATE MUSIC COMPANIES, BUT … Read More
Bike Stolen Near Campus
Surprise, Surprise.… Read More
New Boyscout Merit Badges
Badges?-A!we don’t need no stinking badges! Because we’re no stinking boyscouts. But if we were, these might be some of the merit badges we could strive for:
ALIEN MERIT BADGE
- Abduct human captive and probe them. Successfully drop them back
The Meaning of Humor
Humor affects us all. You wouldn’t be where you are today (sitting there, reading the Squelch, your interest waning) without it. The primary definition of humor given in Webster’s Dictionary is “a normal functioning bodily semifluid or fluid (as the … Read More
Rim Antics
Expose of the Men’s Basketball Team
During the recent spate of games known as this year’s basketball season, it has become painfully apparent that our men’s team couldn’t shoot freethrows to save their Telebear dates much less to win a damn game, conference or non. Now, … Read More
Letters to the Editors
Dear Editors,
You guys should hand out by Strawberry Creek more often. It’d do you some good.
Peacefully,
H.D. Thoreau
Dear Editors,
Sorry.
–Jason Kidd
P.S. Oh, by the way, I’m outta here.
Dear Editors,
Heaven’s great! All the fried … Read More
Ask Buffy
Buffy is not a licensed therapist, but she is a psychology major and a member of UC Berkeley’s Chi Omega Sorority. She also likes teddy bears.
Dear Buffy,
During my time in college I have been sexually active with a … Read More
Biased, Fragmented Political Coverage
Here at the Squelch we understand that we have a responsibility to provide the Berkeley community with biased, fragmented political coverage. To demonstrate our commitment to that goal, we have attained copies of the national budgets proposed by various political … Read More
