Do you feel left out of the millennium madness? Not quite sure how the world is going to end? Well, I’ve compiled all the prophecies you’ll ever need for the year 2000. (But not for you Jews. You had your … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Totalitarian Restaurants
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T.G.I.F. (Thank God It's Fascist)
 -
Worker Unit Food Distribution 
Vestibule
- Benito Burger
- Che Panisse
- Karl’s Jr.
- Burger Absolute Monarch
- Totalitarian Akbar’s Totalitarian Bar and Grill
- Schlotsky’s East Bloc Russian Restaurant
- Steve’s North Korean BBQ
- Fascist Slice
Top Ten North Vietnamese Pick-up Lines
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"Here's my Gulf of Tonkin resolution: Without the approval
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"I'll show you a Tet offensive, baby." - “Oh, I thought you said ph+A|…”
- “I know something that needs to be airlifted right now…”
- “You want me to beat your American ass?”
Top Ten Reasons to Marry a Dog
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Likes chasing pussy as much as you do.
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How 'bout all those nipples? - ‘Cause you knocked her up
- If you think he’s having an affair, you can lock him in the yard
- You can win any argument by rubbing her
Top Ten Kafkaesque Beatles Lyrics
- “The cockroach was Paul”
- “Desmond says to Molly, girl, I’m afraid of death”
- “I’m sooo hungry, I haven’t eaten a bite”
- “And in the end, you die”
- “Happiness is a warm hole in the ground”
- “No one loves you, yeah,
Top Ten Hackneyed Social Science GSI Phrases
- Hugest erection this side of Donner Pass, nearly broke my jaw it did.
- It’s not the grade that matters, it’s how much you improve.
- Yes, you could argue that, but, you’d be wrong!
- Mmmm, aren’t we a little deterministic today?
Top Ten Pornos Starring Jesus Christ
- Semen on the Mount
- Jesus Nympho Cum Sluts XII
- Second Cumming
- Tie Me Up, Nail Me Down
- Divine Staff
- Carpenter of Love
- Who’s Your Savior?
- Who Would Jesus Do?
- Christ Bangs Bethlehem
- Deep Soul
Top Ten Pornographic Dairy Products
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Head cheese
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Non-Dairy creamer
- I Can’t Believe It’s Not a Pornographic Dairy Product
- Land O’ Ass
- Whip n’ cream
- Jizz Whiz
- Bestiality cheese
- Mount-her-rey Jack
- Country Crotch
- Frottage cheese
Top Ten Signs of the Apocalypse
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Yoshua fights Jesus; wins in twelve rounds by unanimous decision.
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Hebrew text of evil - Communal shower in Soda
- Three headed griffon emerges from depths of Dwinelle to wreak God’s holy vengeance on Berkeley
- Re-release of Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse
Top Ten Pornographic UC Berkeley Building Names
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Sproul Hall (because they fuck you in the ass)
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Mammorial Stadium - The Seize Her Shove It Center
- Aass School of Business
- Zellercock
- Muffit
- Poon Tang Center
- VLSBDSM
- Twatimer
- Le Cunt
