- Light his farts on the tomb of the unknown soldier
- Paralyze Bob Dole’s other arm
- Three words: Vice President Hanson
- End all of his speeches with “You mutherfuckers are gonna PAY!”
- Make love to his wife
- Lower taxes and reduce
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- Endorsed by the Daily Cat.
- Didn’t stock enough inflatable aliens.
- $1.00 Schlotzky’s Pizza is better than $1.00 clothes.
- One can only own so many copies of “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em.”
- No one would pay even $1.00 for such worthless
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- A garbage disposal and you’re two inches tall
- A pile of someone else’s sick
- Michael Jackson’s oxygen chamber
- A trash compactor
- Sproul Plaza fountain
- The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
- The icy core of Saturn
- Your TA’s bed
- A pile
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- Creating two incompatible systems of orgasm for men and women.
- The Death Star(s)
- <s>Alchemy</s> O-Chem
- Russian brides for pennies on the dollar
- Rope ladder to the Moon
- The ASUC
- The Baptist Church
- The Royal Family
- An army of hyper-intelligent rhesus
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- Rick Stair’s sound crew grip
- Assistant panhandler
- Temp service
- Elsinore Brewery
- ASUC Store administration
- Office of the President of the United States
- Blondie’s
- Interior design
- Mervyn’s, California
- Assistant crack whore
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- “Rate your TA’s sexual performance.”
- “Please note that this class no longer satisfies the American Cultures requirement.”
- “Use a #4.12 pencil.”
- “All questions must be answered in Cuneiform.”
- Jism
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- More people that listen to rap music, less people that can understand it.
- “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” Chihuahua replaced by “Yo Quiero Apple Pie” Labrador.
- Influx of tornadoes, trailer parks appear on Memorial Glade.
- Native American Studies becomes “Injun Studies.”
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- Reebok Pumps
- The scutellosaurus
- Hypercolor T-shirts
- Columbus Day
- Earth Day
- Slap bracelets
- <I>The Love Boat</I> (What? DAMN!)
- The Soviet Union
- Parachute pants
- Hitler
- Prohibition
- Diversity at Cal
- <I>Fame!</I>
- <I>Police Academy</I> movies
- Slavery
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- Christopher Reeve
- Internet porn
- Angst
- You, Barry Kurtz, you
- Smurfette
- My Little Pony
- Molly Hooper
- Gonorrhea
- Posh Spice
- Kathie Lee Gifford
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- First syllable of a Canadian apology
- Man, my ass is
- Eye (Evans Hall)
- Festering
- Dino
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