EECS Department heads have released statistics exposing a sharp rise in incidents of Star Trek based masturbation among EECS students. Although cases involving Captain Janeway have dropped 15%, cases involving Seven-of-Nine, Lt. Dax and Jean Luc Picard have risen 18%, … Read More

A pending investigation may reveal that local members of the International Socialist Organization are actually disorganized and unemployed. The group, although capable of staging militant uprisings of anywhere between eight and twelve people, has had no noticeable effect on the … Read More

Inside sources have leaked that the UC Dining Services may have been falsely serving “Fancy Ketchup” to thousands of Berkeley students for over 5 years. “This Ketchup contained nothing but tomatoes, water, food coloring and several clearly non-fancy preservatives,” stated … Read More

Several members of the Berkeley astronomy department released compelling evidence that Freshman Denise Watkins is expanding at an ever-increasing rate. “The latest red shift data clearly shows that Denise has exceeded what we like to call the ‘Freshman 15′ threshold,” … Read More

Several Berkeley professors spoke out against members of the Wu-Tang Clan yesterday. “Wu-Tang ain’t shit. Fuck Wu-Tang. I’m da original Wu,” said math professor Hung-Hsi Wu. “Ol’ Dirty Bastard probably can’t even calculate a Fourier coefficient. Sheeeit, he’s just a … Read More

The Baddest Motherfucker Alive was spotted again yesterday near an intersection on Bancroft avenue. Several witnesses have confirmed that the Baddest Motherfucker Alive drove by in an Acura Integra sometime in the late afternoon. However, witnesses have given conflicting stories … Read More

International Olympic Committee representatives announced that the 1998 Winter Olympics will prove to be the most boring to date. Joining extreme low excitement sports such as Curling, Cross Country Skiing and the Luge will be new exhibition events such as … Read More