Much confusion was generated on the floor of the Senate recently when, after losing a vote on a bill he authored, Majority Leader Trent Lott broke into laughter and triumphantly declared, “Ha! Opposite day!”
“Damn,” one senator commented, “that really … Read More
Many women came away very disappointed from last week’s “Women for Gore” convention. “We wanted to see blood and guts, man, and all we got was a boring guy talking about China. That fucking sucked!” commented one woman. Another added, … Read More
The ACLU is investigating reports that a group of Berkeley students were allegedly angrily thrown out of a local mom-and-pop Chinese restaurant. “All we did was ask for a fork, man,” insisted one of the students. “But maybe bringing up … Read More
Studying abroad is an experience that sends many eager young students out with a pat on the back into this crazy mixed up world of ours. After a friendly goodbye from Jan at the EAP office and a little teensy … Read More
In yet another shining example of American Newspeak, major clothing corporations have unveiled a human rights oriented plan to label new clothes “No Sweat,” in effect saying that sweatshop employed pre-pubescents will be given antiperspirant and towels. This follows in … Read More
A Heuristic Squelch Exclusive
We at the Squelch, as part of our continuous efforts to, uhh, start war, have conducted small interviews with some of the key players in this conflict.
Squelch: let’s start with you Madeleine Albright. What’s your take on the situation?… Read More
The U.S government has refused to sign a treaty, already signed by over 100 other nations, banning the use of land mines. Top military officials have maintained that certain types of land mines are absolutely essential in times of war, … Read More
I had the dream again. Not the pounded yam dream; the other one. In the dream I a member of the Men’s Octet. I am good looking, funny, and the highlight of campus life from 1:00-2:00 once a week. Everyone … Read More
Squelch : Hello, girls.
Baby Spice : I was a playboy model.
Squelch : Woah, we’re not there yet. I’d like to find out how the four of you first got interested in music.
Fifth Spice : Theh’s five of … Read More