Congress Duped

Much confusion was generated on the floor of the Senate recently when, after losing a vote on a bill he authored, Majority Leader Trent Lott broke into laughter and triumphantly declared, “Ha! Opposite day!”

“Damn,” one senator commented, “that really threw me for a loop. Gets me every time.”

“I really wish we could get some advance notice when opposite day is coming up, like a three-day rule or something,” another senator declared. “I myself thought it was some time around the Jewish festival of Purim, but when the hell is that?”

In related news, United Nations peacekeeping duties in East Timor fell on the Australians because they were the last to shout, “Not it”; PLO leader Yasser Arafat has announced plans to retake territory conquered by Israel, declaring “You’re not the boss of East Jerusalem.”; and finally, control of the Panama Canal will remain with the United States and not return to the government of Panama as originally agreed, thanks to HR-563, entitled “1-2-3 No Tradebacks.”