Latest Issue
Volume 33, Issue 1:
The HEURISTIC! Squelch
Volume 22- Issue 2

Top Ten Best Times to Use Comic Sans

February 1, 2013
  1. When you’re not exotic enough for Papyrus
  2. Toddler obituary
  3. Quirky high school teacher’s Powerpoint presentation
  4. Your iCarly spect script
  5. When Windings just won’t cut it
  6. Funeral announcement for people you hate
  7. Ironic tattoos
  8. When your roommate’s paper is due in 10 mins
  9. Middle schooler’s blog
  10. Memos on casual Fridays
Volume 21- Issue 5

Top Ten Reasons Your Parents are Disappointed in You

April 1, 2012
  1. You joined a comedy magazine
  2. You pronounce ‘caramel’ wrong
  3. You coughed that bong rip like a pussy
  4. You never wear your retainer
  5. You’re a nurse and not a real doctor
  6. You read too slow
  7. Your novel is uninspired
  8. You argue for George Zimmerman’s innocence
  9. You still haven’t figured out you’re adopted
  10. You never call
Volume 21- Issue 5

Top Ten Top Tens We Didn’t Print

April 1, 2012
  1. Top Ten Top Tens We Didn’t Print oh wait fuck
  2. Top Ten Jokes Only We Like
  3. Top Ten Largest Intergers
  4. Top Ten Imgur Links to Pictures of Our Genitals
  5. Top Ten Nuclear Launch Codes
  6. Top Ten Words that Kill You If You Read Them
  7. Top Ten Locations of Pieces of the True Cross
  8. Top Ten Biggest Fonts
  9. Top Ten Squelch Members who are Communist Sympathizers
  10. Top Ten Ingredients for the KFC Original Recpie
Volume 21- Issue 4

Top Ten Totalitarian Children’s Books

March 1, 2012
  1. Curious George Disappears After Asking Too Many Questions
  2. Redistribution of Treasure Island
  3. The Big Friendly Gulag
  4. Goodnight, Coup
  5. Alice’s Adventures in the Rhineland
  6. The True Story of the Three Capitalist Pigs
  7. Cloudy With a Chance of Rations
  8. Our Glorious Leader is the Giving Tree
  9. Democracy is Where the Wild Things Are
  10. Everyone Must Poop