Top Ten Reasons Your Parents are Disappointed in You

  1. You joined a comedy magazine
  2. You pronounce ‘caramel’ wrong
  3. You coughed that bong rip like a pussy
  4. You never wear your retainer
  5. You’re a nurse and not a real doctor
  6. You read too slow
  7. Your novel is uninspired
  8. You argue for George Zimmerman’s innocence
  9. You still haven’t figured out you’re adopted
  10. You never call