In yet another shining example of American Newspeak, major clothing corporations have unveiled a human rights oriented plan to label new clothes “No Sweat,” in effect saying that sweatshop employed pre-pubescents will be given antiperspirant and towels. This follows in the wake of such jewels as the “Growth for Africa Initiative,” the “Democracy for Iraq Plan,” the “Less Land Mines for Egypt Program,” and the more covert “CIA-distributed Crack for South-Central LA Initiative.” In addition Squelch reporters have intercepted the following two memos from President Clinton to his advisors in the Ministry of Truth:

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and

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When asked what this apparent gibberish means the President replied only, “Damn language has too many words anyway.”