- Frasier
- The C+ Team
- OJ’s House
- Molested by an Angel
- Me and My Syphilitic Uncle
- The Good Samaritans
- The Corey and Corey Show
- The Corey Haim Show
- The Corey Feldman Show
- Three Washed-Up Actors and a Child Star
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Ways to Make the Stock Market Go Up
- Go back to the gold standard
- American Brides for pennies on the dollar!
- Viagra
- More blue chips, less buffalo chips
- World War III
- Destabilize more third-world economies
- Get Alan Greenspan laid
- Lower everything else
- Helicopter
- Elevator
Top Ten “Saved by the Bell” Spin-Offs
- Lisa Sucks. I Hate Lisa. Let’s Kill Lisa.
- Zach Morris Sucks My Ass
- Kelly Kapowski Bangs the Entire Cast of 90210
- Slater, Texas Ranger
- The Elizabeth Berkeley Full-Frontal Nudity Half Hour
- Saved by Yoshua
- Saved by “Ctrl+S”
- Worthless, Mind-Rotting Crap
Top Ten Withheld Excerpts From Kenneth Starr’s Report
-
Kenneth Starr was abused as a child
-
Diet Dr. Pepper does taste more like regular Dr. Pepper
- Get high, get stupid, get impeached
- Boris Yeltsin is personally responsible for 5% of the world’s liver transplants
- Alan Greenspan died in 1975
Top Ten Reasons We Think We Beat Nebraska
-
We have electricity
-
They slept with our cheerleaders
- We slept with their cheerleaders
- We didn’t tear down our own goal posts
- BEAR-SNAK
- Cal Band Great!
- We won in spirit by being more ethnically diverse
- Bras are constraining and I hate
Top Ten Causes the ASUC Will Donate $1,000 to Instead of Yolanda Manuel
-
Russia
-
The Preston Taylor Penis Enlargement Fund
- 1/25 of the $25,000 Pyramid
- Jews for Muhammad
- Dinner for two at Chez Panisse
- Your mom 500 times
- Campus Crusade for the Antichrist
- Window tinting
- Space Toilet development
- NAMBLA
Top Ten People Worse than David Cash
- Satan
- Strohmeyer
- Genghis Khan
- Martha Stewart
- Darryl Strawberry
- Skeletor
- David’s evil brother, Johnny
- Kenneth Starr
- The kid from the Encyclopedia Brittanica Commercials
- Johannes Kepler
Top Ten Worst Things to Say to Your Girlfriend When She Tells You She’s Pregnant
- Monica, now is really not a good time to talk about this.
- Newman!
- Thekid won’t look like you, will he?
- I don’t pay you $20 a hour to hear you bitch about your problems!
- You can drop out of school
Top Ten Things Overheard During a Cal-PIRG Meeting
-
Did you shave today, Jenny?
-
Hey! I just came up with a sound that we can make that will increase our annoyingness by a factor of ten!
- Seal, I just sat on the baby Christ
- Pass the pipe
- I still
Top Fifteen Little Known Poker Variants
- Fuck your Father in the Shower and Have a Snack
- Shit in the Ocean
- Out the Dealer
- Progressive Five Card Draw, Royal Flush or Better
- One Card Stud
- Make your Inside Straight By Any Means Necessary
- The New Guy Gives
