In yet another shining example of American Newspeak, major clothing corporations have unveiled a human rights oriented plan to label new clothes “No Sweat,” in effect saying that sweatshop employed pre-pubescents will be given antiperspirant and towels. This follows in … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Restaurants Owned by Roscoe
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Peanut Butter and Sand
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Grits and Ass
- Kibbles and Bits
- Catgut and Rubber Cement
- Gin and Juice
- Booze and Pills
- Vegemite and Haggis
- Toothpaste and Orange Juice
- Nuts and Gum
- Chicken and Waffles
Top Ten Other Things to Sue the University Over
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I skinned my knee!
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Courtney’s dirty whoredom
- Aiding and abetting the Prince of Norway
- Chancellor Berdhal’s Purple Probe (Ford, that is)
- The asbestos that may, at times, be present in the Res Halls
- Hiring a Mormon as the head football
Top Ten Pornographic Industrial Bands
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Skinny Puppy with a Penis In It
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Front 242 Centimeters
- Ram-stein
- EYELOVEBESTIALITY
- Blowhaus
- Gravity Sucks My Cock
- Prick
- KBDSM
- Stabbing Breastward
- Ten Inch Turds (TIT)
Top Ten Terms for Performing Cunnilingus on a Shitting Girl
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True test of stamina
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Lickety shit
- Muff diving with a snorkel
- Nasty in my face
- Don’t leave the seat up
- Defecunnilingus
- Vagina porcelina
- Lick it up and flush it down
- Tongue-n-Turd
- Fish-n-Shits
Top Ten Wisecracks That Can Get You Out of a Traffic Ticket
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Speeding? I didn’t even spill my beer!
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But Officer, all I want to do is have some fun.
- I had to speed cuz this car is stolen, and I just knocked off a liquor store… Oh, and your partner’s body
Top Ten Terms for Getting a Blowjob While Taking a Shit
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Hazing
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Beat the turd
- Helluva coffee break
- 2000 Gushes
- “If you think it tastes bad, wait’ll the smell hits you!”
- Head on the head
- Plop-n-Splooge
- Blowjob plus
- Blumpkin
- Hershey windstorm
Top Ten TV Shows About Pigs
- Cops
- Dawson’s Corkscrewed Cock
- The Pig is Right
- Win Ben Swine’s Money
- Ally McSqueal
- Pigs Say the Darnedest Things
- Swinefeld
- When Pigs Attack
- The Snouter Limits
- Hoof’s the Boss?
Top Ten Things Said by the Voices in Your Head
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I wonder what it would feel like to rub sandpaper on my eyeballs.
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Thunder…Thunder…THUNDER… THUNDERCATS, HO!
- Now where’d I put my crack?
- Bite the leg, bite the leg…
- Goddamn cat.
- I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people
Top Ten New Berkeley Street Vendor Products
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T-Shirts Made from Babies
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Baby T-Shirts
- Desperate Sixteen-Year-Old Runaway Girls Looking for Father Figures
- Stolen Dogs
- Snow Sticks
- Tie-Dye Maxi Pads
- Lead Pipes
- Smack Brownies
- Crazy Yanosh’s Crap in a Can
- Bolivian Virgins
