Author Archives: The Squelch

Top Ten Uses For A Vacuum

  1. Spay dog (you can suck the uterus right out of there)
  2. Turn innie into outie (for a brief period of time)
  3. In-home angioplasties
  4. Climb up side of building (requires two vacuums)
  5. Save money on shampoo
  6. Give self hickey; watch popularity
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Top Ten Children’s Metallica Songs

  1. Kill’Em All
  2. Fight Fire With The Fire Extinguisher
  3. Battery Not Included
  4. Puppeteer of Puppets
  5. Don’t Tread on the Tulips
  6. Trapped Under Father O’Malley (Catholic Children Only)
  7. Ride the Carousel
  8. For Whom the Recess Bell Tolls
  9. Milk and Cookies for All
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